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Every morning I wake up with a head full of things to do. I scramble around trying to put them in lists of importance all while trying to keep the peace within my little brood (trying to recall everything I've learned and read about parenting at the same time.) I love being a wife and the quirks that come with having my man forever. I love to be creative and thrive on crossing off my to do list. I strive to find balance and put first things first which brings me PEACE & JOY and allows me to sleep so much easier when I do. I think that one of the secrets to being HAPPY in life is to find that balance. I'm learning how to be kinder to myself and learning patience in progress. Everyday, through the thick and thin of life I'm trying to turn my heart towards heaven and remember what's really important.Oh, and I love to eat, so much so that I love to exercise too.

2.03.2010

A bad case of ugly mom.

I've been super grumpy with my kids. 
There's been little laughter at my house.
I can't put my finger on the cause.
Words that come to mind are
TIRED
SELFISH
OVERWHELMED
NITPICKY
SERIOUS
I got really mad at my four year old tonight.  
She won't stay in bed after I tuck her in.
She bugs her older sister.
And then the 2 boys get involved.
Pretty soon I add to it all with my booming shouts.
No change.
So I stomp up the stairs.
Paddle her bum. 
I don't believe in spanking.
It doesn't work.
Mostly because when I went downstairs I felt awful 
and I know she wasn't thinking about improving her actions in any way.
All she was feeling, was hurt, madness, and belittlement.
The same thing I felt when I was four, nine, twelve.
I hate coercion in any shape or form,
but this week I've used it over and over 
and right now I'm tears.
I know better but I 'm stuck in a big horrible rut.
Hopefully I'll get myself out somehow.

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5 comments:

  1. I'm glad you are human, but I know how you feel. It is so frustrating at times and it sucks when everyone is unhappy. If I find a magical answer I will let you know...or if you find it, let me know :) I hope tomorrow is a better day! Thinking of you~

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  2. chin up Kim. :) We all have those days when we are less than stellar. But we try the next day to do better. Don't beat yourself up. You are wonderful.

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  3. You need some fresh air. REALLY. It is winter, hard on moms and kids. Have your husband or a friend take all the kids to the park and run wild while you go shopping with a girlfriend. Don't feel too bad about the spanking, it happens to the best of us. My mom is the best mom in the world (really, she is) and she spanked me and I am so over it. I hardly blame her-she had 7 of us! Four kids is tough. My brother has 3 boys/1 girl. They just got a piano. That same day, their little boy took 2 bites out of the front of the piano and left big teeth marks. Go fig. Hang in there! Tell the 4 yr. old if she's good she can have a Valentine's day treat at my house on Tues.! And don't feel bad about coercion. Most of the people that write all that parenting crap are too judgmental. My mom says, if the binkie keeps 'em quiet, use it! Meaning, do what you can to survive and not go crazy.

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  4. It will get better!! Sometimes it is so hard to do all that is required of us. I always get impatient with my family if I am stressed in other ways. We all have periods of time like this, and we make it through. I hope you feel better...i know you are an awesome mom!!

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  5. I love you!
    It was like starting the day with desert when I ran into you at the store the other morning.

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