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Every morning I wake up with a head full of things to do. I scramble around trying to put them in lists of importance all while trying to keep the peace within my little brood (trying to recall everything I've learned and read about parenting at the same time.) I love being a wife and the quirks that come with having my man forever. I love to be creative and thrive on crossing off my to do list. I strive to find balance and put first things first which brings me PEACE & JOY and allows me to sleep so much easier when I do. I think that one of the secrets to being HAPPY in life is to find that balance. I'm learning how to be kinder to myself and learning patience in progress. Everyday, through the thick and thin of life I'm trying to turn my heart towards heaven and remember what's really important.Oh, and I love to eat, so much so that I love to exercise too.
Showing posts with label Death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Death. Show all posts

9.19.2011

Enjoy them while they're little.



 Kindergarten-September 2011 
My youngest child loading the bus.





Over and over I've heard.
"Enjoy them when they're little."
Um, yeah, rrrrrrrrright.  I used to think.
What were these moms who either had no kids at home or older kids forgetting?
When my kids were little,
everything I did took so long to do,
GROCERIES
CLEANING THE HOUSE
GETTING READY TO GO ANYWHERE
 
Hassels and frustration
Sleepless nights
Diapers
Tandrums
It all happened and I remember it was stressful,
I can't however remember the details.
The days run into years.
The years when they were young and home.
I was their influence.
I don't remember the details, 
why?
I didn't "Enjoy them while they were little"

When a mother tells you to "enjoy them when they're little"
Ask, why?
Me? I'd tell you this:


Enjoy them when they're choices don't hurt your heart.
Enjoy them before their agency becomes almost completely out of your control.
Enjoy them when they want to tell you everything.
Enjoy them before they have homework.
Enjoy their small voices.
Enjoy their innocence.
Enjoy them before they want to be with friends more than they want to be with you.
Enjoy the giggles.
Enjoy the silly things that they say, because you'll forget.
Enjoy the little messes.
Enjoy less worry.
Enjoy them while they think you're perfect.
 
I was a frenzied mess last week.
I felt inept.
I'm recouping today.
Looking inward.
Praying and pondering on how to change.
I have to be strong.
I have to remember I'm never alone.
I have to realize its hard work.
I have to expect that I can only do my best.
Don't compare.

Progress- not perfection.
I'm growing too.
I'm learning too.
This life as mother changes everyday.
New challenges.
New moments to enjoy.
New moments that humble me and bring me to my knees.
I crave wisdom from mothers who told me,
"Enjoy them".
I'm grieving for my own mother's wisdom.
My heart is engulfed in sorrow.
I miss her terribly.
She would have the words.
She was calm in the storm of motherhood.
She would ease my troubled heart.
She would rub my head on her lap,
I'd really cry.
I'd tell her my wows.
She would say, "You're too hard on yourself."
She's in Heaven.
but maybe if I could be still,
I'd hear her.
"Kimi,
 I love you.
You are my beautiful red headed girl.
I'm proud of you.
I see all your good.
Love it all.
Every moment. 
You have a great work.
Soon you'll grieve for moments gone.
They grow up fast.


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8.19.2008

She's gone.

My mom passed away at 10:45 pm on Monday the 18th. I watched her take her last breath and I will never be the same. I understand now more than ever before how to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those in need of comfort. I feel empty, but full. Full of love for her, for my family, and for my Heavenly Father.
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