Inspiration

I've talked about her on my blog.

My children know her best.

I got to see her speak here.

What a sweetheart.

 Her book, 

Heaven Is Here

will be out April 3rd.

My copy will arrive and

I'm very sure 

laundry will have to wait!

Inspiration comes first. 

Right?

Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin

I feel like a pig.
A pig from the infamous fable,
The Three Little Pigs

Let me explain.

The wolf is to me all the 
ugly, 
foul, 
 immoral,
stuff that  exists in our world.
The wolf can get in so easily.

If the house is not strong

and the pig wants to relax and make things easy for himself.

Copyright © URL PBS Kids, Copyright © 2000-06 WGBH Educational Foundation and Sirius Thinking, Ltd. All rights reserved

The pig with the house of bricks.
He's the pig I want to be.
When the wolf huffs and puffs 
 I exclaim,
"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin."
and my house won't budge.
 I am safe inside.

I recite this tale to my daughter when I curl her hair.
I tell it a little differently.
I'm teaching my kids why its safer to keep the wolf away.
Rules and commandments are not restrictive.
They bring safety,
they bring freedom.

So bring it on wolf.
We're building a house of bricks.

Look to live- treatment for the wounded spirit.

My time as a teenager is instructive to me.

The day to day details of my life then are vague.

However, how I felt through those years remains with me.

I'm thankful for this.

It's made me a better mother.

I remember vividly the feelings that overcame me when I made stupid choices.

I remember the feelings that led me to make those stupid choices.

I remember how my spirit suffered.

Like our bodies our spirits can be wounded.

Wounded by 

sin, 

pain, 

anger, 

sorrow,

and

regret.

I sliced my finger once while opening a can of tomato sauce.

I treated the wound, and covered it with a band-aid

It took awhile for it to heal.

 I don't hurt myself physically everyday.

But, everyday my spirit gets "sliced".

  How do I treat the wound?

Through the Atonement.

Through Christ I can heal.

But,

I must confess.

This is not always my first treatment option.

The treatment is easy enough-

Sincere prayer often.

Repentance in those prayers.

Reading, pondering and applying the words of Christ

found in the scriptures.

 Living the commandments of God.

In the past as I've read of Moses and the brazen serpent

I've always been shocked that some did not look so they could live.

Why, when it was so easy?

Today.

I ask this of myself.

Do I look to live?

Spiritual death is all to real.

I see it in the faces of those who don't know the treatment. 

I've been taught.

Repent.

Pray.

Read.

Obey.

Love.

 I find myself turning to other means to treat my wounds.

Artificial means.

Most often the kinds of things 

that dull my senses.

Dull my feelings

or mask them. 

Eating too much.

Surfing the web way too long.

Shopping without $$ (Retail therapy)

I can't see the wounds to my spirit,

but they are very real.

It's not always easy to see,

to feel.

If I'm honest with myself.

If I drown out all the things that pull my attention

from my heart.

If I pray out loud.

I hear,

I feel,

I know that the wounds are there.

I am not perfect.

I get angry.

I get prideful.

I do lots of things that tear at my heart.

My soul gets week.

Diseased if I don't look to live.

I want to overcome.

I want to heal.

I want to be whole.

 

Live like this.

I read this today.

I'm posting it on the mirror,

in the bathroom that we all use the most.

I want us to read and reread.

I want to live this quote.

I feel strongly that I have good to share.

this quote is taken 
from Sheri L. Dew's Book

No One Can Take Your Place

 President Gordon B. Hinckley

BYU speeches 1996-97

"You are good. But it is not enough just to be good. You must be good for something. You must contribute good to the world. The world must be a better place for your presence. And the good that is in you must be spread to others.

I do not suppose that any of us here this day will be remembered a thousand years from now. I do not suppose that we will be remembered a century from now. 

But in this world so filled with problems, so constantly threatened by dark and evil challenges, you can and must rise above mediocrity, above indifference. You can become involved and speak with a strong voice for that which is right."

therapy

I spent money on deck chairs.

Hardly ever use them.

Today I did.

I sat out in the sun. 

I wrote in my journal. 

I put my thoughts down.

Looked at old notes,

letters.

I found that song that made me cry at church.

Prayer is the soul’s sincere desire,
Uttered or unexpressed,
The motion of a hidden fire
That trembles in the breast.

Prayer is the burden of a sigh,
The falling of a tear,
The upward glancing of an eye
When none but God is near.

 Prayer is the simplest form of speech
That infant lips can try;
Prayer, the sublimest strains that reach
The Majesty on high.

My soul's desires are many.

I look with upward glance.

Not always do I kneel.

That makes me sad.

 A formal prayer gets put aside.

I don't make the time.

But I rejoiced as I sang this song.

My words are unexpressed.

I live and breath in this world,

but feel as though I'm lost.

Far from home.

But closer still,

as my thoughts are of my home.

I need some help.

Answers.

A coach.

Who will be my guide.

If I ask, will He really help?

Will His thoughts fill up my mind?

I write it all.

The words come fast.

I laid down and took a nap, 

the sun my blanket.

My therapy is done.

       

My time with them is done, but my heart is always there's

We moved to our new home in March 2009.We started attending our new ward right away.I wondered where I would be called to serve.The call came.Young Women's Mia Maid Advisor.I was called the same day our names were read into the ward. 2 years of feeling young.2 years of sharing my heart.2 years of love.2 years to teach. 2 years filled with laughs, tears, and fun.

A new call just came.

Activity Days with my 8 year old daughter and 9 other girls.

 A release from YW Advisor,from mentor,from teacher.I miss them terribly already.They'll be my girls forever.I love love love my girls.♥

Good Reads

On my side of the bed sits a conglomeration of books and magazines.

I love to read, especially when I need perspective.

This morning I looked for motherhood inspiration in D&C 88, specifically in the versus that talk about order. “Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house...
I started with this verse but then looked over section 88 in its entirety. This section is chalked full of admissions and promises. Reading through it was so instructive, especially with an open heart.

After that I opened up this book.

If anyone needs a breakthrough, its me. This book is awesome and reading it made me realize I'm not actually doing all that bad. I'm actually excited to start "The Plan" and I'm NOT scared about the moaning, whining, and gnashing of teeth.

I have a plan!!! Bring it on!! Summer here I come. (Hopefully I don't crash and burn)

Dissecting my feelings

Still doing better.

Walked outside this morning to look for the bus while the boys shoveled their cereal. (We all woke up kind of late this morning.)

The air smelled like I always remember it smelling when the school year is drawing to an end.

SUMMER

The kids are doing fun activities at school. I always loved Field Day- eating outside and throwing a softball the farthest. I had a really good arm.

Today-
I'm working on planting some flowers, having a picnic with the girls, and doing bills while listening to a parenting CD.

Tonight-
Eat dinner outside- maybe with some soft music and candles. I'm usually not too frilly with my family dinner time but I feel like doing something different tonight.

I'd like to read my book again, but out on the back porch. I walked out there last night after the kids were all in bed and I was heading to my bed, it looked so inviting. Just sit on my rocker and CHILL, REFLECT, and PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK.

This week-
Planning Summer.
Dissecting my feelings. Finding out that I'm willing to spend time on things I can control. I also hate to fail. Somehow its programed in my head that I can't.
So combine these feelings with Motherhood and guess what? It equals disaster on my heart. No wonder I want to work on things that I'm good at and spend time on everything else.

If you asked me to go play a game of tennis I would decline. I have NO idea how to play it. The only thing I know about tennis is something about LOVE? That's it.

If you ask me how to Parent. Yikes. I've read so many books, but in the thick of it, I react and rely on my emotions to dictate action.
Motherhood can not be calculated or controlled because every minute of every day is different. Most of time I wish I had a Linda Eyre at my house coaching me!!! Guess what though? I do have coach. I have the Spirit. Right? And if I cultivate that Spirit in my life I'll be more successful. And Prayer is a direct line to the ultimate coach.
(Do I have that faith? Is that why I've been so sporadic with my spiritual care since I held my first baby in my arms.?)
I'll admit- I am not consistent in this area of my life. I try for a couple of weeks and then I fizzle. Yet, I always expect that I should be able to run my life better than I do. That's like running my car on empty. Doesn't work.

I cannot control my kids. But if I do what I can to have that Spirit and do my best to be as Christlike as I can then eventually there will be a difference. If not now, later. When they're grown they will remember what it was like to mothered by me. Just like I remember my mom.

So, an experiment. (on his word)

Strive for the spirit EVERY day this summer. I'll have every one of my kids with me most of the time. More than ever I need those whispers- do this, do that.
Mother them, try more, don't worry about failing, don't think that my efforts are a waste of my time, teach them to work and serve. REFOCUS.

I can make my home beautiful this summer- painting, decorating.

OR

I can make my family beautiful. Its my choice.
I know I have more control with my home- but I'm not that business. My first priority is my family.

Everyone says they grow up fast. Maybe I should start to listen to that. Soon enough Abby will be in school and then I know me. The feelings of regret will settle in my heart.
I hate regret.
Its damning.
I hate shoulda's and coulda's.

I can't be afraid to fail motherhood.
If I spent more of my time and energy on how to deal with some of our family issues as much as I spend time on- paint colors, Blogging, my makeup, Facebook; I'll probably get better at it.

I'll feel more at peace when I hit my pillow at night.

I'll cut myself some slack, but I KNOW me, and I know what I think about most of my day.
That's why I've been so grumpy. The best part of me is saying, "Kim! Wake up!! Remember what is most important. Remember how you felt when your mom died. Remember that your relationship with your Savior, your husband and with your kids is most important. Do that first and every thing will be fine." DO THAT FIRST.

A couple more thoughts and then I've got to go wrestle with my girls.

My mom gave me a book- All the Time You Need: Mary Ellen Edmunds. I found it the other day. In the inside cover it says,
" Dearest Kim,
You are a wonderful mother to four beautiful children and I'm so very happy that you chose to be a mom in every sense of the word. I'm sure your Heavenly Parents are also pleased. Hang in there! Your childrens' lives will be your reward.
Love you much,
Mom"

And then inside the book something that pierced me.
Mary Ellens says,

"What are the things in your life to which you are intensely devoted and dedicated? What are the things you spend your time on- not just the amount of time, but your BEST time? Your children? The scriptures? Pondering? Exercising? Eating? A book club? Visiting? Attending the temple? Reading?

Lets say you had to drop four things from your life to free up some time. What would you drop? And how would you decide? For what would you drop everything? Your answers would reveal much about your priorities."

If I sat down and answered those questions honestly I would see that there was a need for improvement.


♥

Squeazing some spiritual time into our day. BREAKFAST SCRIPTURES

I've been struggling with making the effort and finding the time to make sure my kids get some spiritual nourishment during their day. There are a lot of excuses that I could come up with but I think #1- It's not a priority and it should be on the very top of my list. So we're all in the kitchen this morning eating breakfast. The computer is in our kitchen right now, I was on it checking emails and GOOGLING how to sew patches on scout shirts. And then a voice in my head said, "Kim, this is the perfect time to read scriptures or do something with these kids so that they know its important." And then like in the movies I kind of got this thing going on:

So, I pushed all the bad thoughts and excuses out of my head and thought for a second. "I have this computer right here and I'm sure there is some kind of media that I could find to accomplish the overwhelming feat of keeping my kids focused on something spiritual for a few minutes." So I GOOGLED teaching children the scriptures and low and behold lots and lots of ideas. My favorite?
....... drum roll please!.........

LDS Scripture Stories

You can read, listen or watch!

I choose to have them watch the stories and they are GREAT!!!! There's even music that's suspenseful at the right moments.

I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am!!! We're going to be doing the Book of Mormon first, then there's Doctrine and Covenants, and the Old and New Testament. When we get all done we're going to celebrate.

The kids were practically jumping out of their chairs with excitement, and I was one happy mama, because there were no tears and no frustration (from me). Ha!




♥

Turn back Tuesday

So I copying my old roommate Kemy and posting past pictures because its just so much fun. She calls her posts Flashback Fridays and its a blast from the past! That was totally corny but I admit that I'm a big nerd. Anyway I have so many pictures that I've never gotten on my blog and I just got a scanner so I'm so excited!!!!

This first pictures are from the TREK that I went on this summer with the youth in our Stake. When I got back I didn't blog much because of my mom's condition and trying to get out and see her as much as possible. But now I must revisit my experience before I forget all the heart-stirring moments. ( I think I really like the word heart- use it all the time it seems.)

In order to be a Ma on the TREK you have to have a Pa and I must say that Jeffrey was all that a Pa should be and more (and he's really really cute.) He prepared for this TREK and thought of things that made it even better for the kids. When you look at the pictures notice the American Flag, That was our cart!! He rigged it so that the flag was fastened to a pole that could also be used as a kick stand. He also made our very own button spinners out of apple tree branches. He's like MacGyver I tell ya. He really is, and its amazing to stand back and watch him do his thing. Without him we would've been lost. Our meals went quite smoothly especially with Brother Call's Help. He was our company's captain. Jeff kept us all pretty cozy. I've never seen anyone love rope and knots like he does. I don't know how he remembers all of them but he does. He told me so seriously " You can NEVER have enough rope." ( If I ever have to walk to Zion I want this big Stud with me. ) I'd want my Captain to be Ken Call too.

We had five sons and four daughters. They were the some of the sweetest, most kind teenagers I've ever met. I love them all so much. When we first started Jeff and I had to do a skit to introduce ourselves. We decided to make Fandango Pioneer Puppets. But we put a spin on it and called it Fun-trek-o said just like Fandango. It was cute but it definitely wasn't the best skit. There were some couples that had me rolling.

Our family: The FUNTREKO's

"Because we know that God is our Father, we call each other brothers and sister."

I will never forget each one of my kids and what they each brought to our experience. I was in awe of the their desire to love each other and their concern for the "one". We were only together for 4 days and I wish it could have been longer. Although, maybe we would have gotten on each others nerves after a couple of weeks, just like normal families do. I was really surprised at how well we bonded and how the kids seemed to be who they really are. Everyone was covered in dirt, I've never been so dirty in my life! No one seemed to be better than anyone else. We were all just trekking along, singing, and bonding while we worked shoulder to shoulder. There was nothing to distract us from our work or each other and we really had some good ol' fashioned fun. My boys got some kazoos and played their little hearts out. I would go back in heart beat. I don't miss how dirty I was or how ugly I felt. I had a dirt mustache. The dirt collected so easily right above my upper lip.
The last night before we left we had a testimony meeting as a whole Stake and also with our own families. Dallin was the last to get up and bare his testimony during the Stake mtg. I don't think he really wanted to go on the TREK and I almost stayed home to be with my mom. At that very moment I knew that Heavenly Father wanted us to have this experience together. He told how thankful he was for his MA and Pa and he bore a strong testimony. I think he surprised himself. It wasn't a travel log but a full blown testimony. I was so proud of him.

Then during our own families meeting I took a minute to remind the kids of our first discussion together before we even started walking. I had asked them to tell everyone a couple of things about themselves. They did exactly what I knew they'd do. I like to play football, I like to cook, I like to... on and on. I didn't get even a glimpse of their character or personality with the comments they made. If someone tells me they like to play football they doesn't tell me who they are. I challenged them to think about who they are on the TREK. I warned them that I would ask them again and I wanted some different answers.
So during this family meeting, sitting on our buckets (all of the our belongings except for our bedding had to fit in a 5 gallon bucket) knee to knee, I looked at each one of them and told them how I felt about them, what I saw as in their hearts. They all shared a gift with the their secret sibling and shared some of their own tender feelings. We had a family prayer and that night I went around to my boys, expressed my love to them and kissed them goodnight on their foreheads. I was so proud of my boys. I had good hardworking, well-mannered boys. (I had good girls too, but they're pretty much always good. If this is what teenagers are like, bring it on!! They did tell me however that they're not like this at home. That made me chuckle.
Introducing my kids

Dillon: Dashing darling who does so much for others, especially his MA. He was the BIG brother of our group. Sweet as can be, and very helpful. He likes girls too. Which is good. He was a company favorite with the ladies, giving back rubs and carrying buckets here and there.

Lauran: Lo Lo, Love her laugh. Laughing with her while we sat in the Port-o-lets. Yeah! Yeah! She was the big sister. She kept us entertained as we walked and walked. At night when we were falling asleep she talked to me and she's got a big heart.

Dallin: Debonairly dashing and a little devily. Downright adorable. Didn't want to come but made a difference to our family. Did you know you could play a Kazoo like that, they alone dance while you played it? You've got skill. I say a BEEF HOT LINKS!!!!!!Love you D!

Priscilla: Pleasant, pretty Princess Jasmine, produce and vegie lover friend. So helpful and easy to get along with. She's a girl trying to be her best self. Is a light to others. Sweet as can be. Love you too. I hope my daughters grow up to be like you.

Peter:Pleasing to the eyes and very pleasant. Proper, Plays the Harmonica. He stepped out of his comfort zone and the boy can sing too. He led us in some walking songs, and kept us moving along. Prays with his heart and is sooo eager to please. Love you Peter. How you liking those braises?

Devin: Debonairly down to earth, darling boy, didn't stop pulling our pushing. Didn't know that you would be so kind and sweet. When I first saw you I thought you'd give me trouble. Just that one time when you and your brother Dallin took off and I had to go after you boys with a stick!!! You did came back when I threatened to bend you over my knee though! Love you too, you big ox. Without your ox power we'd still be out there. Heart of a champion that boy!

Brittain: Brave babysitter, Brilliant, SWEETY (She was in charge of holding the baby we were given and she wouldn't let go it) I've never met such a smart girl as she was. Man that girl was like a walking encyclopedia. She didn't give up either. She walked until she nearly gave out and she kept up with her big brothers. I wish I could've taken her home with me. Such an easy girl to have in our family. Love you Brittain.

Ephraim:Easily entreated, ear to ear smiles. Ecstatic to be on the TREK. This boy can chop veges like no body's business and was always eager to help cook. More helpful than I could've hoped for and so kind to his sisters. He's respectful and reverent. Such a sweet sweet boy. Love you so much Ephraim. Thanks for the cinnamon rolls. We gobbled them up.

Olivia:Oh such a lovely lady, Likable, I could go on long walks with her. She opened her heart up to us and let us see a little glimpse of herself. Shy, but very perceptive to others. I think if I'd had her close to me a little longer I could crack her shell and she would discover a little more of who she is. Not too touchy feely like I am but tried it out. And yes, she was sweet too. I love you too Olivia!

The first day we started at 1:00 pm and walked until about 10:00 pm. We did about 12 miles the first day. At about 9:00 some men on horseback came over the hill and told us that they were taking our men for the Mormon Battalion. As our men and boys left our gaze we sang "God be With You till we Meet Again" The tears welled up and fell without constraint. The realization of what we had to do become apparent as we turned our eyes to the trail. It was uphill and it seemed as if no end was in sight. I pulled my girls near me and we huddled in a circle. I offered a prayer. We were asked by the trail boss to be on silent. As we walked I listened to the deep breathing and grunting of the girls. Soft, deep sand made each step more difficult as we made our way up the hill. It was dark and we didn't know when we'd see our men again. I though of Jeff and I thought of those early pioneer women who walked the trail alone. The thought of not having the Priesthood, his strength, his love, his friendship. Not knowing if I would even see him again. My heart couldn't bear the thought. I was fully aware of what I would miss out on without his companionship and in that moment I realized more than ever what a blessing our great honor and privilege our marriage is in my life. He really is a help mate. He's all that I dreamed of and more.

How would I know what to do? I don't even think I could pack the cart like he did, let alone tie everything down with all those fancy ropes. How did those women do it? Do I have that kind of faith? Could I walk one step at a time towards some unknown place without really knowing how long it would take to get there- all while being worn out, dirty, sick, or hungry? During the first day I would glance off to the horizon and think,
" Those pioneers had to walk that far." I was humbled and in awe.

The great and wonderful thing about the TREK was that the kids were all humbled and they were allowed to PONDER and think. It was said in Sunday school this last Sunday, "Will we ever have deep thinkers like Socrates and Plato again? With all the things we are plugged into, when do we have time to think, to ponder? On the TREK there were no I pods or cell-phones. No TV, no radios. We played games, sang, and twisted buttons on string. There was a "Sunday" when the kids were delivered mail from the Pony Express. Letters from their real parents were read in solitude. Letters full of sweet pourings from parent to child. Feelings and thoughts that matter and made all the difference to dirty, tired kids who missed the luxuries and love of home.

We had a whole day to stay at camp and play. We got to shoot guns, throw axes, get our hair washed and braided, ( a personal favorite, my hair was DIRTY), brand leather, make music with kazoos, play ropes coarse games, have a HO-down, and eat a meal fit for Kings. The kids all participated, laughed, and rubbed shoulders. It was a blast. Lots of simple pleasures, lots of fun.

The last day we walked 6 miles. The last stretch was up a long hill, at the top the kids parents waited on either side of the trail. As we left our last prints in the sand we sang "Come Come Ye Saints" and "The Spirit of God". Again, I cried. Parents were touched, kids were proud. It was a sweet reunion but a sad goodbye. My stewardship was done, but you know I still fill like their Ma. I've ran into my kids here and there since the TREK and its different. I want to embrace them in my arms, and I do, but I want to smell the sage brush again, feel the breeze on my face as we walk along with a hardy song. They're a little timid so am I. But I know heart to heart they remember the moments we had together. The common testimony of our experience is felt. Its a different world here. For four days we had a taste of what Zion's like.

This experience will be with me forever. I felt my Heavenly Father's love for me, for my kids, my little kids at home, and for my ancestors. My faith was questioned and strengthened.
I laughed, I cried, I sweat, I played, I danced, I loved, I had the time of my life.

The Herald did a story go here to read more.













♥

I Thank Thee O God for a (inspiring, comical, and loving) Prophet!! Who has guided me in these latter-days

When I heard the news last night and had to tell Jeff, I cried. I felt like I did after my Grandma Carver died. She was ready to move on and it was easier than I thought to say goodbye, but I was saddened that future opportunities to make memories were gone. I remember going to General Conference for the first time and the feeling I had when I stood as he entered that great Center. Tears ran down my face as the Spirit whispered to me that he was indeed a Prophet of God. I'm happy that he is with his wife and his parents and that he might be able to slow down a bit. Although, I picture him getting ready for his next assignment, especially now that he has a new spring in his step!!! I'm thankful for the excitement he passed on to me to live the gospel with much more gusto.

{Known for his vigor, Hinckley appeared firmly committed to spreading his faith beyond the country of its birth. Over the years, according to figures compiled by the church, he traveled more than a quarter-million miles on church work.

In an unusual display of durability, he made a 25,000-mile, seven-day, nine-nation journey at the age of 95.

Such work, he indicated, was part of the responsibility he assumed as leader of the church.

He once told the Associated Press that he would "enjoy sitting in a rocker" listening to music and thinking deep thoughts. But he said, "such activity offers no challenge and makes no contribution."}

What an Example to me!!!! He is one of the reasons I stopped watching Television. I do miss some of the programs but know that my life is better spent making more important memories and contributions with those around me.