a 2011 goal & no school monday & a good question

Menu planning.

Spending less.

Stop forgetting my list.

A toothbrush was on my list. I forgot the list.  I used to my husband's toothbrush.

Don't judge me.

Today  there is no school.

: The girls and I are going to break out our brand new Singer Talent Sewing Machine, Modge Podge, and some pretty paper to attempt this-

I've been lacking in the crafting department for about 6 years.

My little girls are begging for time with mom, and crafts,

so this mom is going to sew today.

I don't sew so we'll see.

One question.
Did you know there are a gazillion ideas on the web?
I haven't really looked.
Holy Moly.
It was 5:00 am.
I was on my lap top in bed.
I totally got sucked into the www.

Now I want to be a crafty mama, a photo mama,
a cleaning mama, a baking mama, a blog mama,
an etsy mama, an organized mama, a decorating mama, a trendy mama.

The internet is a great tool, but good grief.

Can anything else in the world make a girl feel like being a mama is not enough?

♥

Turn Back Tuesday

5 years ago.

3 kid lets.

They were so little.

So adorable.

Tonight, we're going to do this with the leaves we find when we go on a walk.
I love fall.
It is my favorite season, hands down.

Lately I've been snuggling my kids a lot.
They love stories about themselves.
They like stories about me too.
Last night it was fun to share their birth stories.
My oldest was surprised to learn that he was born a month early.

Its funny.
Some days I want motherhood to speed by.
Other days I find I'm basking in every moment.
I find when I'm not as selfish that the basking occurs.
Ya Think??

I've enjoyed a few deep, heart felt talks over the past few weeks when I've tucked my boys in bed.
I was itching to race downstairs so I could enjoy my time.
My oldest asked me a question I couldn't brush off.
It was deep.
Something about Heavenly Father.

They asked more questions and we talked.
I shared my deep convictions- my testimony of God, of Jesus Christ.
3 different times.
I tickled their backs.
I told them with tears in my eyes how bad I wish for them to be extraordinary.
Like super heroes.

1 hour later.
I felt good.
Like I was a super mom.
I've been a mother for almost 10 years now.
Somethings I'm getting pretty good at.
Laundry,
Sweeping,
Bossing.
Taking time to teach deep meaningful stuff every moment I can find- NOT so good at.
Monday night is not enough.
Sunday is not enough.
They have to know what I feel in my heart.
About God.
About them.
About my love for their dad.
So they'll feel it in theirs.



This morning all four kids snuggled up in my bed while I woke my sleepy head.
I read from the scriptures.
We prayed together.
I won't get everything done today.
But it feels so good to have done that one thing.
Its not tradition yet, but I hope it will be soon.

Seasons change.
And we can too.
I'm so glad.


♥

Dissecting my feelings

Still doing better.

Walked outside this morning to look for the bus while the boys shoveled their cereal. (We all woke up kind of late this morning.)

The air smelled like I always remember it smelling when the school year is drawing to an end.

SUMMER

The kids are doing fun activities at school. I always loved Field Day- eating outside and throwing a softball the farthest. I had a really good arm.

Today-
I'm working on planting some flowers, having a picnic with the girls, and doing bills while listening to a parenting CD.

Tonight-
Eat dinner outside- maybe with some soft music and candles. I'm usually not too frilly with my family dinner time but I feel like doing something different tonight.

I'd like to read my book again, but out on the back porch. I walked out there last night after the kids were all in bed and I was heading to my bed, it looked so inviting. Just sit on my rocker and CHILL, REFLECT, and PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK.

This week-
Planning Summer.
Dissecting my feelings. Finding out that I'm willing to spend time on things I can control. I also hate to fail. Somehow its programed in my head that I can't.
So combine these feelings with Motherhood and guess what? It equals disaster on my heart. No wonder I want to work on things that I'm good at and spend time on everything else.

If you asked me to go play a game of tennis I would decline. I have NO idea how to play it. The only thing I know about tennis is something about LOVE? That's it.

If you ask me how to Parent. Yikes. I've read so many books, but in the thick of it, I react and rely on my emotions to dictate action.
Motherhood can not be calculated or controlled because every minute of every day is different. Most of time I wish I had a Linda Eyre at my house coaching me!!! Guess what though? I do have coach. I have the Spirit. Right? And if I cultivate that Spirit in my life I'll be more successful. And Prayer is a direct line to the ultimate coach.
(Do I have that faith? Is that why I've been so sporadic with my spiritual care since I held my first baby in my arms.?)
I'll admit- I am not consistent in this area of my life. I try for a couple of weeks and then I fizzle. Yet, I always expect that I should be able to run my life better than I do. That's like running my car on empty. Doesn't work.

I cannot control my kids. But if I do what I can to have that Spirit and do my best to be as Christlike as I can then eventually there will be a difference. If not now, later. When they're grown they will remember what it was like to mothered by me. Just like I remember my mom.

So, an experiment. (on his word)

Strive for the spirit EVERY day this summer. I'll have every one of my kids with me most of the time. More than ever I need those whispers- do this, do that.
Mother them, try more, don't worry about failing, don't think that my efforts are a waste of my time, teach them to work and serve. REFOCUS.

I can make my home beautiful this summer- painting, decorating.

OR

I can make my family beautiful. Its my choice.
I know I have more control with my home- but I'm not that business. My first priority is my family.

Everyone says they grow up fast. Maybe I should start to listen to that. Soon enough Abby will be in school and then I know me. The feelings of regret will settle in my heart.
I hate regret.
Its damning.
I hate shoulda's and coulda's.

I can't be afraid to fail motherhood.
If I spent more of my time and energy on how to deal with some of our family issues as much as I spend time on- paint colors, Blogging, my makeup, Facebook; I'll probably get better at it.

I'll feel more at peace when I hit my pillow at night.

I'll cut myself some slack, but I KNOW me, and I know what I think about most of my day.
That's why I've been so grumpy. The best part of me is saying, "Kim! Wake up!! Remember what is most important. Remember how you felt when your mom died. Remember that your relationship with your Savior, your husband and with your kids is most important. Do that first and every thing will be fine." DO THAT FIRST.

A couple more thoughts and then I've got to go wrestle with my girls.

My mom gave me a book- All the Time You Need: Mary Ellen Edmunds. I found it the other day. In the inside cover it says,
" Dearest Kim,
You are a wonderful mother to four beautiful children and I'm so very happy that you chose to be a mom in every sense of the word. I'm sure your Heavenly Parents are also pleased. Hang in there! Your childrens' lives will be your reward.
Love you much,
Mom"

And then inside the book something that pierced me.
Mary Ellens says,

"What are the things in your life to which you are intensely devoted and dedicated? What are the things you spend your time on- not just the amount of time, but your BEST time? Your children? The scriptures? Pondering? Exercising? Eating? A book club? Visiting? Attending the temple? Reading?

Lets say you had to drop four things from your life to free up some time. What would you drop? And how would you decide? For what would you drop everything? Your answers would reveal much about your priorities."

If I sat down and answered those questions honestly I would see that there was a need for improvement.


♥

New Croup Patient and My Heart Fills Up with Even More LOVE

Now my little girl, Miss W, has come down with croup and despite my quest to get her well on my own she had to visit her Pediatrician yesterday. She prescribed some steroids and now Miss W is on the mend. I love my pediatrician. I've got to say, she's the best one in town. She's always quick to commend the way I raise my children. She appreciates my efforts and I always walk away feeling like the mother of the year. Don't get me wrong, I definitely have MUCH to work on but our Doc probably deals with so many mothers who frankly don't care as much as they should. She's also wonderful with the kids which is HUGE to me.We matched on accident that day but we had to get a picture!

Yesterday while we headed back to house after dropping Mr. E off at afternoon kindergarten, I reached back and took my little girl's hand and made sure she was doing all right. She wasn't breathing as well as I would've liked and I was worried. Then in her raspy voice she said, "Mommy, why do you wuv me?" What a question!!!! I then told her that she grew in my tummy and I was so excited for her to come out so I could hold her and take care of her. I told her she's always been my baby since that day and I've spent a lot of time taking care of her, all that time I've spent taking care of her makes my heart fill with love.
I wouldn't tell her this but I definitely have struggled being the mom that she needs. She has definitely tested my childhood assumptions that motherhood was going to be a cake walk. After all MY kids were going to be such in such and I would never do THAT. Well, I was sorely mistaken. My first two were boys and I think that toddler boys are much easier to deal with emotionally. My boys were fairly easy going and didn't even get into much mischief. They've always been pretty good about entertaining themselves. Miss W is an emotional roller coaster and does need her mommy to play with her. They all do, really. So I guess what I'm saying is motherhood has definitely not been a walk in the park, BUT I think it would be much easier if I would give my children a little more attention and give everything else (that are very worthy causes) a little less.