I have. I've been so self-absorbed the last couple of months that the man in my life has felt a little left out. I've been struggling to fill the hole left in my heart, left over from watching my mom dwindle, to seeing her die, then having her disappear from my days. Its a tough road full of emptiness; longing for something that can no longer be.
I have to admit I've been selfish, wanting him to make me happy but not reciprocating that loving feeling. I was bending over backwards to make the house perfect, making sure the kids were in line, and begrudgingly fulfilling my wifely duties all the while constantly wanting a pat on the back, and finding fault with almost everything he did.
Well, I'm happy to report, that I'm back on track and so therefore, WE'RE back. When I'm feeling down in the dumps seems like I lose total perspective and everything is about me. After some gut wrenching "talks" my eyes were totally open and I was able to see how I hurt Jeff. Guys are really not all that complicated. My husband is about TIME and RESPECT. He loves it when I spend time with him, talk with him about what's in his heart and just be willing to love him for him.
It also helped to understand, again, that he his different than me in so many ways and when I while I can fixate on something for 4 days, he's long forgotten it and moved on. I also had some help from Dr. Laura's "The Proper Feeding and Care of Husbands". Now, I know that there are some people that can't stomach her but let me tell you, her book on tape helped me understand way I had been sooooooo wrong. I didn't appreciate some of her language and some her talk about sex but for the most part she is right on.
Most of all I just needed to look around and take an evaluation on the loved ones in my life and notice that they don't thrive when I'm not filling their lives with SUNSHINE. "Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."J.M. Barrie author of Peter Pan (I've loved this quote ever since President Uchtdorf uttered them at the RS broadcast. )
Next month we will celebrate our 10th anniversary and I'm giddy to be his. GRATITUDE fills my heart with reverence for his life and I feel utterly blessed that his love is intertwined with mine.
The gushy meter is off the charts. I LOVE IT!
By mom247 at 2008-10-20
You are such a good wife Kim. I love the way that you and Jeff see each other. It was so obvious to me how in love you two still are when you guys came to drop Devon off.
ReplyDeleteYou two were so cute. I noticed how you stood close to each other, and I thought it was cute that you kept touching each other's arms. It was a sweet thing to watch.
I am positive that your children will never have to wonder about the depth of their parents' affection for one another. And that is a great blessing.
Sorry, I hope this wasn't embarrasing. I just wanted to let you know that I think you guys are great!
Thanks for noticing! I'm not embarrassed. NO worries.
ReplyDeleteGood post, Kimi. I agree with you about Dr. Laura's book, I thought for the most part, it was right on, and made so much sense. Some good perspectives in there.
ReplyDeleteHappy 10th anniversary next month!!!