Absolutely Humiliating

I've had some pretty embarrassing moments in my life. Some of my closest friends and family know all about them. I've had some inquiries on the last thing I did that makes my stomach turn just thinking about it. So, here it goes. Every year our ward has a talent show. It usually falls around my marriage anniversary. I’ve performed in it 3 times. The last time was horrible but let me tell you about the first couple. The first year, about five years ago, I decided to change the words to “You are My Sunshine” and sing it to Jeff. I can’t find the words now but I changed them because the actual song is quite depressing. I couldn’t sing the whole thing, I cried half way into it. After I got done singing, he came over, grabbed the mike and told everyone how I had hounded him to share one of his talents. He told them that he’d finally decided to. Before I knew it, he was kissing me on the LIPS in front of the whole ward. It all went I guess a lot of people got chocked up and I still get comments to this day about how sweet it was. Jeff actually video taped it but I accidentally taped over it. I was so sad.

The second time, I danced to “Once there was a Snowman” by Inside Out with my Mia Maids. It was funny and lots of fun. It went pretty well and the crowd loved it.

So in October of 2006 it was announced that we were once again having a ward talent show. Because of previous experience with success and the joy I get from performing I thought I would show everyone some of my fancy footwork! BAD IDEA #1 I’m a fairly good dancer, and I’ve always loved it so much. (I’d been dancing in my basement to lose my baby weight from Abby. She was born in January and I still needed to lose about 15- 20 lbs) I was feeling pretty good about doing it and decided to dance to Michael Buble- “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”. I didn’t make up any steps, I just wanted to free style my way through it. BAD IDEA #2 A few weeks before the big night I got sick with a chest cold and didn’t do a lot of dancing or exercising. Looking back I thought I was in pretty good shape and I would be fine. BAD IDEA #3 The big night came and I was barely over my sickness but I went ahead with it anyway. BAD IDEA #4. I decided to wear a red “Shade” shirt-that was way to tight, and black Gauchos- that should have never been worn by me…. EVER! They are not flattering if you have saddlebags, big calves, and a baby gut. BAD IDEA #5. I get there and I’m up first. Holy Cow. I started getting so nervous. My mouth started to get really dry and I my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. The show started, the curtain was pulled and I was in front of a 100 people that were about to watch a grown woman make a complete fool of herself. The music started and it wasn’t loud enough. To really get into it, I’ve got to feel the music in my bones. Do you know what I mean? I started dancing and right away I knew the song was about 3 minutes too long. My lungs were not ready at all, and when you watch the video I look like I’m in pain. I don’t look like I’m dancing I look like I’m exercising, if you even want to call it that. It definitely wasn’t “Dancing with the Stars” material. Not even close. Even Napoleon Dynamite had me beat. Oh!… the humiliation! And to make matters worse. All of the jumping around caused a little problem with the ol’ bladder. After 4 pregnancies it didn’t hold up real well. I’ll let you picture the rest. I was so relieved when it was over, but I wish I hadn’t made Jeff tape it, because I really didn’t know how bad it was until I watched it. The first time I watched it, I thought I was going to cry. I couldn’t watch it. It was absolutely humiliating. And I dedicated the whole thing to Jeff. He was completely embarrassed too!

Recently we’ve been watching all our old family videos. Ethan came running up the stairs the other day to inform me that I was on the TV dancing. I went down to see if I could possibly get through it. Its been two years… still can’t. I’m thinking about erasing it or maybe only keeping the best 5 seconds. Its made me doubt my once thought talent of dancing. I knew I would never be good enough for the BIG stage but to do a little ditty for a few people, no problem.

Its kind of sad because I really don’t dance as much as I used to. I should probably give myself another chance. Especially when I get into good shape again. Maybe someday I’ll be able to watch it and laugh but I don’t know if I ever will.