Kindergarten-September 2011 My youngest child loading the bus.
Over and over I've heard."Enjoy them when they're little."Um, yeah, rrrrrrrrright. I used to think.What were these moms who either had no kids at home or older kids forgetting? When my kids were little,everything I did took so long to do,GROCERIESCLEANING THE HOUSEGETTING READY TO GO ANYWHERE Hassels and frustrationSleepless nightsDiapers TandrumsIt all happened and I remember it was stressful,I can't however remember the details.The days run into years.The years when they were young and home.I was their influence.I don't remember the details, why?I didn't "Enjoy them while they were little"
When a mother tells you to "enjoy them when they're little"Ask, why?Me? I'd tell you this:
Enjoy them when they're choices don't hurt your heart.Enjoy them before their agency becomes almost completely out of your control.Enjoy them when they want to tell you everything.Enjoy them before they have homework.Enjoy their small voices. Enjoy their innocence.Enjoy them before they want to be with friends more than they want to be with you.Enjoy the giggles.Enjoy the silly things that they say, because you'll forget.Enjoy the little messes.Enjoy less worry.Enjoy them while they think you're perfect. I was a frenzied mess last week. I felt inept.I'm recouping today. Looking inward.Praying and pondering on how to change.I have to be strong.I have to remember I'm never alone. I have to realize its hard work.I have to expect that I can only do my best.Don't compare.
Progress- not perfection.
I'm growing too.
I'm learning too.
This life as mother changes everyday.
New challenges.
New moments to enjoy.
New moments that humble me and bring me to my knees.
I crave wisdom from mothers who told me,
"Enjoy them".
I'm grieving for my own mother's wisdom.
My heart is engulfed in sorrow.
I miss her terribly.
She would have the words.
She was calm in the storm of motherhood.
She would ease my troubled heart.
She would rub my head on her lap,
I'd really cry.
I'd tell her my wows.
She would say, "You're too hard on yourself."
She's in Heaven.
but maybe if I could be still,
I'd hear her.
"Kimi,
I love you.
You are my beautiful red headed girl.
I'm proud of you.
I see all your good.
Love it all.
Every moment.
You have a great work.
Soon you'll grieve for moments gone.
They grow up fast.
♥
I promise you, just like my dear Grandma Mouritsen is to me, that your mom is RIGHT there with you. If you had a daughter on Earth but you were passed away, wouldn't you be MOST interested in everything she was doing. Absolutely you would. You would peek in on her every day and talk to her through the Spirit, guide her and give her peace. The Spirit is more tangible than actual things on this Earth. I learned that this past June in the NICU. If you are so very still, her Spirit will have such a presence that you will almost be able to reach out and touch her, knowing exactly where she is in the room.
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