Last night I cried before I fell asleep.
I lay there thinking about my mom watching me do a pretty lousy job with my four. Did she see how grumpy, selfish and impatient I was all day long? Was she disappointed?
After the house was quiet and I had time to think the guilt set in. Actually I felt it all day and it probably added to the problem.
I'm off balance again. Thinking too much about getting my house decorated, cleaned.
Sometimes, I'd like to put my family on auto pilot.- Doesn't work that way. I know how important it is for them to work, laugh, and accomplish things on their own, but it requires so much of my time. Time for teaching, playing with them, being consistent.
My sisters already know this- I'm selfish with my time.
Abby keeps wanting to help. She tells me she wants to do a job. Its faster to do it myself.
I've got so much to do sometimes. I feel like I don't have the time.
I want so much for my kids. Want them to grow up to be happy, self-sufficient, charitable adults.
This is so random. I have so much to learn. Its so humbling to be a parent.
I know what I have to do.
I was so mad at my kids yesterday. It was all their fault. NOT REALLY. It was me. My attitude stunk!!!
Its a funk I get in every once in awhile. I'm not the first, I'm sure. I know that have the battle is admitting it all.
Now I just have to do something about it.
I need to get on my knees more than I do.
Forget about painting my walls.
Laugh
Not be so stinkin' serious.
Quit nagging and finding problems with everything they do.
Look for the good.
Give kisses and hugs.
Dance.
Expect more responsibility.
Teach.
Discipline with love.
I think I need to get up early tomorrow.
Could you utter a little prayer for me?
♥
Sweet post - Motherhood and juggling a household is very difficult.
ReplyDeleteI'm a decade or so older than you and have 5 kids and I used to worry so much about the house being perfect and everything getting done. I remember one day I was running around like a crazy woman and I was mad because kids were making messes and things weren't as clean as I wanted them and my husband stopped me and he said, "We have to live here".
Simple word but they really changed my perspective. Yes it is important that the house be cleaned up but...Everyone has to live there - it's ok if it is not perfect - we live there and most of all We Have to LIVE!
I hope you can find a good balance. You sound like an absolutely wonderful mother!!
Add this to your list:
ReplyDelete"Give myself a break"
You are awesome. Not perfect, but an awesome mother who loves her kids and wants the best for them....and lots of times that includes wanting a clean and pretty home for them to live in! I get it...I feel that way all the time, too.
You're doing good. Some days are just bad days and so we apologize to our kids and to the Lord for our short tempers and then we decide to do better.
Spend some time with them...allow time enough for them to help you do the cleaning and picking up. Then call a friend and arrange a play-date switch where you can have 3 straight hours to paint or do whatever you need to do without your darlings! :) Maybe our kids should get to know each other???
{{hugs}}
No, you're definitely not the first. In fact, I do believe you could have written this entire post with the very words that are in my head right now. Every single word.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing your best. Even when some days stink, I have no doubt that you're doing your very best. I know your mom has no doubts too.
Kimmie, can we please do lunch? And soon? I miss you.
ReplyDeleteMotherhood is soooo much harder than I ever imagined it would be, but at the same time it is also soooo much more rewarding than I ever imagined. We must take the hard with the wonderful, you know?
I love you and am 150% confident that you are the kind of mother that when your children are older will remember as happy, fun and awesome. I know there were times growing up where my mom was cranky, grumpy, not very nice...but guess what...I can't remember those times, instead my memory is full of the fun, happy memories.
Hey Friend-
ReplyDeleteMy kids would LOVE to have some lovely girls over for an adventure.
Your friends prior comments are right on. You are a wonderful mom. We all have these moments/days.
I remember one morning talking to my sister and brother-in-law about dealing with cranky kids. I made some comment about dealing with them and not doing it very well at times (I can't even remember what I said now), but my brother-in-law responded by saying, "You are only going where everyone else has gone before." :) I so appreciated his comment, and even now, I'm surprised at how much I have thought of that comment since then. We ALL have limitations and I think I am a lot like you in the sense that I don't want to fail. And it's hard to admit to myself when I am not doing as well as I want to be doing. But sometimes I do have to remember that I am trying my best, and that is all that is required of me. And you, too. And I have to say that from just becoming acquainted in blogdom, I have been very impressed by you and you seem like such a great mom. I know you must be. And I'm so glad I'm not the only one who struggles with wanting to do better too.
ReplyDelete