more thoughts about POPULAR

My post yesterday was kinda of random. I read through it again, and wondered what my HS English teacher,Mrs. Shaw, would say. I never really made my point.
What I was trying to say was. If anybody's actually searching on google to learn how to make their blog more popular, its kinda sad. I generally think that being liked happens randomly and naturally and that it can't be forced. If I found out that someone made up a blog just so that they could have blogger stardom, I would tend to shy away from that. I guess that's why it took me awhile to warm up to the blogs that everyone raved about. For instance I didn't read Nie's blog for along time because I wanted to follow it on my own whim not someone else's.

I finally started with Nie Nie's DAY 1 of blogging- I was hooked in about two posts. Especially when she talked about the time she got mistaken for a boy. I could see that she was truly genuine. I didn't start my blog to fulfill my high school fantasy of being "Most Well Liked" or "Best Dressed" and now I know that Nie didn't either. As a result she's in my google reader.

To be find a spot in my google reader, be genuine and authentic and/or talk about interior design,photography, makeup, good eats, good books, and any good thing in life worth blogging about.

Passionista has my unwavering heart's devotion because of her impeccable taste in music and she's a sweetheart on top of it. That girl is amazing. Just read her blog for awhile and you'll see. (Wish you Well is my favorite song right now) She might even send you Happy mail. (Love you Marilyn!)

I crave reads authored by humble people trying to do the very best they can all while sharing humor, and advice on how to make it through a day filled with bumps and bruises. Not that I want to read "Woe is Me" tales over and over. I don't like some country songs for the very same reason.

My friend Missy commented yesterday on this post. She said:
"... I was always mystified in school by what made someone popular and what was missing in me that made me different. Now I think that everyone probably wonders the same thing..."

I wondered too and now I've come to a conclusion. Popularity is something that we sometimes make up in our head because of our own inadequacies. We look at someone else and see the very best in them and compare that to the very worst in ourselves. Popularity is of no value to me anymore. The thing I crave now is admiration and respect. I want people to knew me crowd my funeral because I brought sunshine into their life. My mom's funeral taught me that. I didn't realize how many people loved my mom. She never seemed like she was in the limelight much. She was one of those people that you could fall back on, and know that your name was safe with her. That's so refreshing and something I'm working on.

Last week after my little talk with the Young Women in my ward. One of the girls (she actually babysits enough for me that she could replace me) stood up and bore her testimony. She expressed gratitude for my words and then told everyone that I'm a role model to her. My heart swelled and tears couldn't be stopped. THAT is what I wanted in High school and its just so hard to get THAT in high school because most teenagers, not all, just don't know how to be their authentic selves or see THAT in anybody else. I don't even know if many adults do, because sometimes we don't know our own selves enough. We make 25 things lists and its all about our kids, are hobbie, our likes. That's not who we are. Does that make sense? If I asked anyone to tell me about themselves I don't think I would hardly ever hear one adjective. I did this exercise with my YW a few years ago. I asked them to write as many things about themselves BUT it couldn't be about something they did or liked. It had to be something like: hmmm..........
SEE its hard! Try it? Can you do it?


In fact! I had a break through with my husband the other day. He came home from work and I quickly assumed that he was grumpy. Most of the time I presume in my brain that its something that I did. Needless to say, things don't start off on the right foot when that happens. So, I asked. "Give me an adjective the explains your present state of being". Not only did I get a laugh but I could tell it made him think.

I think we are afraid to own up to who we are and we hide behind so many things. I am speaking in generalities and realize that not everyone may not be like this, but is this a common thread in humanity or am I just thinking way too much?
About me:

• Sometimes I think way too much, enough that I tend to assume more than I should.
• I have a compassionate heart. (another realization just now, is that I feel like I'm tooting my own horn. Maybe that's another reason we don't say much about ourselves because we don't want people to think we think we're all that and a bag of chips)
• My physical appearance means a lot to me but I always want how I look to start from heart. What I'm saying is, if I'm happy with me than I want that knowledge to radiate in my outer expressions. However, I don't want to EVER come across as shallow because I can't go to church without makeup.
  
• See, I think too much. So, a better way to put that is, I'm thoughtful.
• I crave tender loving care.
• I'm gratified when I feel listened to especially by someone I look up to.
• Sometimes selfish with my time.
  

• I'm responsible, cooperative, easily discouraged, careful, helpful, ambitious, considerate, discerning, lovable, good natured, observant, touchy, self-critical.....
  

If you don't know the words to articulate what you are go here. Make a list of 10. I dare you.

Finding out who we are from the inside out isn't easy, but when we start to unravel what we're made of, everything we do can be seen as the fruit of that awareness and.... "by their fruits we shall know them." Popular or unpopular makes no difference to me. Just show up at my funeral, be sad, be happy you knew me, and say good things about me, cause I'll be listening.



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