I'm in a funk of sorts. I like to blame it on this blue personality of mine. I've never seemed to be able to wake up in the morning and say, "Today, I'm just going to roll with it, Que Será Será, Hakuna Matata, etc....
Nope, my usual thoughts are a list of things I didn't get done the day before and a recommitment to myself to be the kind of wife and mom my family needs me to be.
One that is free of inadequacies, faults, and adulthood responses to whining and that is the rock of her home. Mom's are the teachers, the trainers in their homes which are learning centers for little adults. Mom's teach virtue, respect, how to deal with stress appropriately, love, charity.... the list is a doozy. I often fill that's there's so much "training" to be done, that there is little time for me to relax and just enjoy, plus the fact that some days I can't even get past the laundry to do any "training". And really, when I refer to training I mean being here to act as a sort of personal trainer to my children's behavior, I guess, some people would call that discipline. I want to be active not reactive to what goes on my home. If I walk into a quarrel and only add to the contention, I'm not teaching.
Sometimes I feel like a should adorn a cape and wear a big S on my chest, because I set myself up to accomplish super human feats of perfectly balancing all there is to balance when I have a family, a mortgage, a LIFE. I expect way too much of myself and rarely cut myself any slack. Which like my friend, Tiffani said, (thanks for the talk this morning- ie. a personal training session for me) can be good. She said its never good to think we're just hunky dory and that we don't need to improve on anything. But, and this is a big BUT, I have to be careful or I burn myself out trying to do EVERYTHING just right. Its not humanly possible to always react to anger, stress, problems in a positive manner. We all have our limits, but wouldn't be nice if our children could always we see us as perfect beings to pattern there little lives after. I'm so afraid that my faults will be their faults magnified!!
I loved our little chat this morning too. The funny thing is, I felt like you were the one training me!
ReplyDeleteThanks again for telling me about Mothering with Spiritual Power. I have loved reading it, and need to make sure I keep it in a handy spot to refer to it often.
Personal training can be fun ;)
I got that book at TOFW and need to open it up!!!! I actually read a bit when I make it to bed early enough. But it seems like you and I are riding in the same section on this roller coaster called motherhood! The highs are high and happy and the lows can get oh, so low. I'm in the funk, too. Maybe we're just gearing up for summer and wanting to make plans now to ensure we make the most of our time with the kids. That's how I've been feeling lately. Our ward RS is reading the Book of Mormon over the summer together starting June 1 and I've dedicated my reading and study to becoming more the kind of mother I want to be. I'm praying that will help at least a little, cuz girl...something's gotta change around here!!!
ReplyDeleteWe will never be supermom and that is good. I want my daughter to watch me struggle to become a better person. I want her to see ups and downs so that she doesn't have the false sense of nothing ever happens. I think your doing great, because you are trying and learning and reading and praying. Your kids are a very blessed bunch.
ReplyDeleteK I want to read Mothering with Spiritual Power.. need to order that one. And you know we have to do our Best, and doing our best is what matters. And kids are always better than their parents, they see our faults and improve, it is the cycle. BUt you are an amazing Mom and woman. And I totally agree we do have to keep trying to be better, do better, but not beat ourselves along the way.
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