"The most beautiful and awesome thing in the world"

**** The first time I published this post I included some very personal stories and thoughts about my education and feelings about sex. I was raised in an LDS home and was pretty sheltered from worldly influences. HOWEVER, my understanding and perception of what sex was not good. I was educated about sex with soap operas, movies, etc... I didn't have the awe and respect for it that I do now. If you read my previous post I'm sorry if I offended you I was only trying to be honest about it. I tried to be honest so that someone would understand that although we try to protect our children we are very naive about what information they gather as they grow and become more independent. I'm almost absolutely positive that before my boys are raised they will have an experience where they are sexually aroused. I want to make sure that they understand what to do with this feeling and how to "bridle" this passion so they can have true happiness and joy in a marriage relationship someday. I feel VERY STRONGLY about this subject and I've heard and have seen too many instances where parents are too naive and embarrassed to deal with it head on. We are doing a huge disservice to our children if we do not teach them what sex can be like if it is reverenced and respected. Not only that, they need to understand that it is GOOD at the right time and right place.

In the book, “How to Talk to Your Child About Sex” The Linda and Richard Eyre (whom I LOVE) suggest that you start early in a child’s life by teaching respect for God’s creations, for each other, and so on. I immediately went to work and looked for opportunities to do this. One of the things we did was point out beauty that we saw around us. If there were a beautiful sunset I would point it out and talk about how much I love a colorful sunset. When we are around animals I’ve taught the kids about how we should treat and respect them. When we go to the grocery store we look for garbage on the ground and pick it up so that the world is a little more beautiful and also discuss that littering is not okay. We’ve also tried to teach good ol’ fashion respect for each other, that people are different and even though we may not agree we shouldn’t make anyone feel bad or do things that would hurt them. It doesn’t have to be huge, just daily doses that can leave big impressions. Respect for self and loving ourselves is also an important part . Last night , Jeff and I went to the movies and I was appalled at how messy the floor was after people left. The degradation of respect is seen everywhere. I knew that this is where I needed to start. It makes perfect sense. How can a child learn to respect and honor sex if they don't learn how to reverence and respect the world around them?
Then, they suggest to start the talk at 8 but make it basic and relative to the child’s maturity and comprehension, and letting the child know in advance that there will be a time to talk about "the most beautiful and awesome thing in the world." We started telling Devon that at about 7 that we were going to talk to him about "the most beautiful and awesome thing in the world and that we would be able to got out on a special date with just the three of us. He had been begging me to take him to Red Lobster because he had seen a commercial and really wanted to try Lobster. I told him that we could go when we went on our special date. As the time became closer I realized that he might be a little disappointed that "the most beautiful and awesome thing in the world" wasn’t what he’d imagined it to be. Weeks before the actual date we started talking more about it and told him that it had to do with Heavenly Father’s Plan, the love that Mommy and Daddy have for another, and how all of our kids came to live with us. He of coarse was excited to finally know a bit more about what was going to happen because we’d been talking about it for so long. He’d pester me every so often, wanting to know what is was. So after he was baptized in January of this year we took him out to dinner and began talking more about what Heavenly Father hopes for us. We talked about the ideal place for a child to learn and feel loved. We talked about how much easier it is to what is right when we have people around us helping us and they try to do what’s right too. We basically talked and asked questions so we could get a feel for how much info he was ready to be responsible for knowing. I should also tell you that he had, previous to this date, experiences where we’ve looked at fetal development and picture of human anatomy. He’s understood that babies start with an egg and they have to be fertilized by sperm. He never asked how the sperm got there so we never went into it any further.
After dinner we drove to the temple. We parked in the parking lot so that we faced the temple. He came up in the front seat and sat on my lap. We started with a prayer to invite the spirit, I said it. We talked about the temple, its beauty and the recommend that Jeff and I have that allows to go inside. We told him how we get the recommend and bore testimony of the things we learn and understand when we get to go inside. Most of all we told him that because of the temple, the love we had for each other would last even after we die and that he would be with us in Heaven. We told him how we loved having a family and that although it can be crazy at times it meant more to us than anything. We asked him if he felt loved by us and if he felt like he could trust us. We told him that we always wanted him to know that we love him no matter what kind of choices he makes but we hoped that if we taught him the right way he would follow us because he could see how happy we are. We told him about Satan, and that he wants our families to fall apart. He doesn’t want people to get married and he doesn’t want us to be happy. Then we started talking about how Jeff and I met. He already knew some of the story, like how Jeff asked me to marry him, but we went into more detail about how much we loved each other and how much we wanted to kiss and hold hands. Jeff and I are very affectionate and kind to each other most of the time. I think our kids know how much we respect and care about each other. I think that’s very important for children to see. We never call each other names or scream at each other. We’ve raised our voices, maybe even yelled (I’ve even slammed a door or two) but most of the time our children see two people that are really in love. When we do get upset, I try to make sure that the kids know we’ve said we’re sorry and everything is okay. Sometimes it takes awhile but I think Devon really knew while we were sitting at the temple how much he means to us and how much we meant to each other. The rest of the discussion went naturally, although he got a little embarrassed when we talked about the actual body parts. We asked if he wanted to stop but he told us no. I kept hugging him and scratching his back. I felt closer to him than ever before. We’ve always used the correct terms but we were talking about them in relation to why mom and dad have different parts and if he ever realized how different they were. We explained an anatomical terms what the woman body is like and where the egg is. And then we asked how he thought that the sperm was able to get all the way there. Being the smart boy he is. He figured it out. He didn’t seem too shocked. We told him that the actual act is called sex and it is "the most beautiful and awesome thing in the world". We reminded him of how much mom and dad loved each other when we were dating and that we wanted to get as close to each other as we could, but we knew that we had to wait so we could get married forever. Jeff also told him that there were times before he met me that he would go on a date with other girls and want to hold their hand and get close but he knew that he wanted to wait and only get really close with the girl he would have babies with someday because he knew that would make him the happiest. (I started crying at this point) We talked again how his body will change and someday he will want to be close to girls like daddy did, and that everything around him like his friends and stuff on TV and even pictures would make him feel like he should go ahead and do whatever he wanted, but we bore testimony that if he waited he would be happier than he could imagine. The kind of happiness he feels on Christmas day, after he does something really good, when he snuggled safe in his bed and he’s falling asleep, or when he’s laughing and having fun with us. We basically painted a picture of the beauty and sanctity of sex and how Satan tries to trap us into thinking and feeling differently about it. We also wanted him to know that he would have feelings towards girls and that those feelings are okay but he should control them and save them for later, and if he could control them he could meet a special girl someday and have a family forever. We promised to always be here to answer any questions and that we would have more talks all of the time and to never been embarrassed or ashamed to talk to us. We ended with a prayer, drove to the grocery store for ice cream and headed for home. It was a wonderful experience for me. I felt like my family was winning the war with evil that I’m fighting so hard to have victory over. My loved deepened for Jeff and my bond with Devon was strengthened. I'm glad that we've started this discussion with Devon now. I have no regrets. There is so much more that was said in those moments, but the feeling I know we all had was one of understanding and love. I'm so thankful that I have the tools and knowledge to teach and guide my children.

From the Eyre’s :The single greatest protection for kids (and the strongest motivation for avoiding early, dangerous sex) is to grow up thinking of sex as a wonderful, spectacular miracle that not only makes babies but also can bind couples and families together in a loyal, happy way. The words "beautiful and awesome" will come to represent this to your child.