Something to think about

My sister sent me the link to this little movie. It brought tears to my eyes. I have so much power to do good in my home and to make beautiful memories with my children that should be cherished by me. The last couple of days I've been thinking about the nitty gritty work that I do day in and day out. Just 2 minutes ago I wiped up a small milk spill in the kitchen. I wasn't really mad about it but I wasn't patient either. Having to clean things up takes me away from what I want to do, insert stomping, pouting and yelling. I can't help but think what message I send to my children when I stumble sometimes and act like a big fat jerk with their little mess ups. I go on and on about the work that has to do be done all because of them.
I'm sorry, will you forgive me? Those words are uttered around here... a lot. I hope these words bridge the gap between my mistakes and the real intent of my heart.
I am excited to say that I can see improvement. I'm much more soft spoken than I was 3 years ago. It seemed like everyday I would lose it, more than once I might add. My oldest has noticed a difference as well. He told me that I don't yell very much anymore. Yelling doesn't teach and it doesn't inspire children to do better. I've thought a lot about why I yell. When I yell I'm usually busy (with stuff that's really not all that important), feeling selfish, tired, because I'm in a hurry ( which usually happens because of poor planning or procrastination on my part), feeling down and low in self-worth, frustrated, or overwhelmed. Take your pick.
My dad was a very loud yeller. When he yelled I could feel it in my bones and I always wished I could crawl in a hole and hide. I hated it and I told myself that I wouldn't talk to my children that way. It happens, I know, but it really shouldn't.
After President Hinckley died I wanted to remember what he'd admonished me to do in one of his last conference talks and felt that I would honor him by working on whatever he had said. When I turned to the talk "Slow to Anger" and read it to myself I weeped. I recall that I'd regressed a bit the days previous to reading his talk and I felt ashamed but motivated to do better (which I loved about President Hinckley, he always inspired me to do better and not wallow in my mistakes or become paralyzed by them).
So... wow. This was supposed to be a small post!


A CHALLENGE:

• Think about why you yell. Pay attention to what triggers your anger. Write it down, pay attention to it. Think about what your child might be feeling and what you look like to them when you're yelling. When you yell and become angry, children learn how to deal with things the same way. They don't learn good behavior and communication skills and especially lack the skills to deal with stress in health ways.
  

• Catch them doing good. If they're quiet and playing well together SAY SOMETHING. I hold two thumbs up and tell them how much I love it when they are nice to each other. Compliment your children's good behavior 10 times or more everyday (30-100 times would be even better. You are a good girl, doesn't count. ) Describe what they are doing and why you like it. Also, tell them what you like about them, not what they do. Talk up their character. They are wonderful just because!

• Serve your children. I used to think that staying home and taking care of them by feeding them and so on was enough. Lately I've discovered how much more patient and loving I am when I really try to make their day better. I like to write love notes and put them in D's lunch. I draw a picture and tell him something I like about him. I give him a challenge for the day and tell him I love him. My kids also LOVE it when I play with them on a jungle gym. I'm the mommy monster and I try to eat them. We all laugh so hard. Just remember what its like to be a kid and how fun it was when your parents weren't so serious. Adulthood sucks the fun out of us sometimes. Be silly, sing a funny song, be goofy.