Many Gifts -Christmas Part 2

After Christmas this year my heart continues to fill full and very grateful for all the gifts given to me, the gifts that I gave, and the gifts some of my loved ones received. My sister Melanie surprised me with her gifts because she really knows me!!! She bought me a pair of brown boots before I bought my own after Thanksgiving at JC Penney's. She wasn't very happy that I went and got my own pair, but really... I never in a million years ever expected anyone to buy me a pair of brown boots. So I blew that part of her gift but I think its the thought that counts. Then... we went to the church bookstore together to get some stuff for her sealing and I almost messed up another one of my gifts. I'd been eying this book and nearly bought it for myself. She scolded me and told me that I shouldn't buy things for myself so close to Christmas.(She bought for me in October before I knew I even wanted it.) I was so happy that I was getting this book, oops! I didn't think I could wait for a whole month though. Melanie is becoming the woman I always hoped she would. She's like a little giving elf. Lately she has been listening to what people need and on more than one occasion, been an instrument in the Lord's hands. I love her so much. She and Sherri are my best friends in the whole wide world!!!!!!!

I've read it and I'll be reading it again. There was so much for me to take to heart and it helped me take a closer look at my stewardship as a mother. I've had a deep change of heart and realize I have some things to work on. I've been blessed for reading it and it has, along with the Book of Mormon, spurred me to declare that my resolution this year is to Mother with Spiritual Power. I realize more than ever- I can't get by this year or all my future years without His help. I may lose my mom this year, I won't be able to do it alone. It's also HIT ME HARD that I can not take on any of the things that I do without getting Divine help. Especially, shaping four little lives and teaching them how much they need spiritual power too. Little spurts of resolve and short bouts of action have gotten me through, barely, its simply not enough.

So, onto the next gift. My sister Sherri is an angel. She really is!!!! Her gift was a miracle and one of the sweetest, unselfish gifts I've ever witnessed. She was visiting with my Aunt Virginia this summer and happen to come across a letter written by my Dad's mother who's name is also Virginia. (Who, by the way, we never knew much about. She died when my Dad was 10. We knew she had red hair and a little bit about her death, but that was it.)The letter was written shortly before she died. She had written to the people that were watching my Aunt Virginia. She wrote of her hope to return to her family and see her baby. At the bottom of the letter she wrote... P.S. What color is my baby's hair? My sister was brought to tears and wanted to know more. She called Melanie and me and we wanted to know more too. Long story short. She and my Grandpa had four children and were in the midst of losing their farm. My Grandpa was away a lot and she was caring for a newborn and the responsibilities of a family and a farm by herself. Grandma was sent from Idaho to a mental hospital in Ogden UT. She was treated with insulin and shock therapy to "cure" her from postpartum psychosis. While her doctor was away, we think a mistake was made and she died during shock therapy just weeks before she was to be sent home. She was a vibrant, fun loving woman that lit up the room with her personality and wit. (My heart ached for my dad as we learned more and more about her. I haven't gotten along with him very well over the last few years. I've been angry, hurt, frustrated, sad and couldn't get past my own pain when dealing with him. This new information has shed a ton of light on our situation and I know that I have to be more forgiving. He's a difficult man to get along with, but my heart has softened towards him and I know he needs more love. I've said myself that people who are mean and unpleasant to be around really just need a hug and someone to see through their crustiness. Its easier said than done though. I know that for me anger is an outward expression for feelings of fear, frustration and or stress. What I'm saying is, we often don't express how we feel in the right way. Classic example. The other day, I thoroughly cleaned our basement and shortly after the kids got home they quickly undid what I had just done. It comes with the job, I know, but I had had it. I was just about ready to yell and bark orders ( like I sometimes do) when I started to pay attention to how I felt. Instead of getting angry, and started talking calmly and expressed the why I was upset. I started to cry a little bit too. My kids responded in a much better way. They shooed me out of the room and told not to come back until they yelled my name. They quickly went to work and cleaned up the mess and I was a happy mom.)


My Grandma kept all of her mementos and letters. She served a mission and had a mission journal. There was tons of pictures and personal history sitting in boxes. My sister couldn't stand to leave it that way. She started gathering info and even went down with Melanie to Ogden to visit my Grandma's sister Donna. She decided to compile a book with the help of Heritage Makers and set out to have it done for my Dad's Christmas. She and her family sacrificed many hours to bring this miracle into our lives. I'm so thankful that she listened to the spirit prompting her to take this project on. She told me that in the early morning hours while she sat at the computer and typed my Grandma Virginia's words she felt my Grandma there with her. She experienced many other spiritual moments that are too personal and sacred to share here.
One of the best moments in my life was to see her give the book to my dad for Christmas. I couldn't contain the feelings of love that filled my heart Christmas morning as I watched him open and realize what she had done for him. She worked 6 months to finish it and he had absolutely no idea. They sobbed together as they turned the pages. This book just might help heal the pain he's kept suppressed all these years. I can't imagine how he must of felt at 10 year old. He was at a tender age when a boy needs his mother. On Sherri's blog, she wrote, "Sharing the hug that followed the opening of the book was one of the greatest things I have ever experienced. I can still feel my dad sobbing on my shoulder. As I hugged him I whispered in his ear, "Im sorry that you lost your mother when you were so young. She was an awesome person." With tears spilling on my shoulders he replied, "It hurts, you don't know how much it hurts. I cried so many times. I cried and cried." To hear my dad say those words to me and to share that with my dad is a moment between us that I will cherish forever. That made everything worth it. Everything.


I am filled with Joy this New Year, as I've decided to count my blessings and name them one by one. I'm looking forward to a year to more fully realize all that I've been given. I have felt the sweet whispers of the spirit urging me to uncover my talents and let them shine, and to finally focus on what I've been given and not what others have. I feel overwhelmed with the urgency to tap into the Lord's power and become more of what he wants me to be.