Its nice to be missed. So where have I been? I've been boycotting reality. I've had to process the fact that my mom has cancer. There's a tumor right below her sternum (breast bone). We found out the week before Thanksgiving. I don't know what kind it is yet, and there are still a ton of unanswered questions. Chemo is inevitable and she'll probably start in a couple of weeks. She's had a total of 5 litters of fluid drained from her lung over the last month and is having a hard time doing much of anything. I'm sad, I haven't felt like blogging or doing anything that's fun because it makes me feel guilty. Jeff and I are invited to a Christmas party this weekend and it feels weird to go out and have a good time when my mom is sick. I'm scared of what's going to happen next. I know I need to be strong and have faith, but I don't know if I'm ready to take this on. When I was little I wanted to do something for my mom that would show her how much I loved her. For Christmas one year my sister and I combined our sprinkler changing money and got her a $75 gift certificate for JC Penney's. We gave her instructions to buy a new dress because we had noticed that she didn't have that many. She was always sewing and buying us clothes but never seemed to get anything for herself. I'm now 30 and realize there's nothing I can wrap up in a box that will let her know how much she means to me. With this cancer and the trial she now faces, I'm afraid that I won't be able to give her all the time and love that she needs and I don't want her to think that I don't care or love her enough. Does that make sense?
I'm sorry Kim. I don't know what to say except it stinks that we have to go through times like this. Shouldn't there me some easier way to grow?
ReplyDeleteWhen you told me about your mom the other night, all I could think was that you were in the right place. To be in the temple with your mom and your family is the best place that you can be. I hope that you are able to have many more experiences like that with your mother. I say that whenever she is feeling up to it, take her there. I can't think of a better place for her to feel your love.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that your family is going through this right now Kim. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
((hugs)) you have been in my thoughts and prayers. I think being the Mom that you are is the best way to show your Mom how much she means to you. She raised a great daughter who is smart, and kind, and an awesome mother. I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteKim, I'm so sorry. This is very hard and sad. The only thing I can think of to say is that I have always thought your mother is one of the sweetest people I've ever met. She has always been very kind to me.
ReplyDeleteI will keep your family in my prayers. Stay strong and have faith.
I love the picture of your mom and your little girl. So, so sweet.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry Kim. I couldn't believe it when Sherri told me. My thought and prayers are with you guys.
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