This has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. You see, I love my children. I loved giving birth to them. Most women think I'm crazy when I explain how much I love child birth. I know its not normal. I've been able to have easy and uncomplicated deliveries and for me... its... like... Christmas. The anticipation that builds up and the new discovery. When I had my second I actually asked my doctor, " Could we do that again." My babies were all under 8.9 lbs and the epidural was a contributing factor to the ease of it all. My babies have all been fairly easy to care for. No colic, or projectile vomiting. No major complications. So now that I've painted that picture I must tell you that my pregnancies are not all that great. For some reason my cervix doesn't want to stay put for the duration of my pregnancy and after a close call in my second pregnancy with a 31 week delivery my doctor thought we should stitch my cervix together during my third pregnancy. This procedure happens around the 16th week and involves a spinal block and I'm sure you can imagine what else. I've done it twice. Its not convenient, buts it doable. From then on there is a discomfort that begins to grow worse as my babies get bigger. Pressure builds and if you see me at Walmart from 7 to 9 months term you are likely to see me riding in an electric cart thing. What are those things called? Anway. Its humorous, but it gets old... fast. And then there's bed rest too. I'm not the biggest fan of this but it does work. I've discovered that control freak and bed rest to not mix. Neither do 3 children, a tired husband, and a dirty house. Soooooooooooo, Jeff and I have discussed this. My body, my sanity, my senses scream... 4 is good. My heart whispers... one more would be a blessing. How can you tell the difference between the spirit telling you should have another and the womenly motherly feeling that all women are given to have this desire. That is my question?? I also feel an immense urgency that being mediocre in motherhood is not an option. In this day when so much is out there that threatens to lure my kids away from the values and beliefs that I believe are essential for happiness I'm afraid of spreading myself to thin. But then I think, what could I give up so that I have the time for another.
There it is. There's more, but that's the gist of it.
Kim, this is a very hard hard question to answer. After I had Lily, I had the overwhelming feeling that 4 was all we needed. That we were done. And I was grateful for that feeling. I have never questioned it since, in fact, I feel daily confirmations that my family is complete.
ReplyDeleteIf I even had the whispering that there were more children, I would have prayed specifically to know what I should do. I am sure that you and Jeff have already done this, so I realize this comment isn't very helpful, but I do know that our Heavenly Father will give us answers. He promised to do so, and he NEVER breaks his promises.
Kim-I SO get you on the childbirth thing. I was afraid of what it would be like the first time around, but after my little girl was born, I said "Man, I rock at this!" I LOVE the WHOLE process of Labor and Delivery. From the first contraction to delivery, I love every minute of it. Becuause of this, I think it made the pain bearable for me. I know people think I'm crazy for it too, but to me there has been NO greater physical accomplishment in my life than bringing my children into this world. I really do rock the L & D! I'm not ashamed!
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything that Marilyn said too. She said it perfectly so I won't be repetative.
One of my biggest fears was to not be able to tell when we were "done". I've known people that just kept on trying and always felt incomplete. I prayed for years that when the time came, I could celebrate the achievement of getting my family here, instead of mourning lost possibilities. When I prayed to find out if maybe there was one more little person that needed to come, I felt an overwhelming "yes, there's one more, and it's a boy" In my particular situation, that was so merciful. I knew before the pregnancy to enjoy every minute, to soak up this little boy for his own sake and not to hope for a girl anymore. I really have done that with him. After he was born, I did wonder if there maybe, possibly could be another baby. A peace just gradually settled on me that we were all here. I love to hold other people's babies, but I like to hand them back too :) I really do have that sense of accomplishment. Now I can say "well done thou good and faithful uterus, enter into thy rest" :)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE Missy's comment...I wish I could say that to my uterus! (maybe someday soon, right?) Kim -what a hard question to answer. I know when my parents thought they were done some amazing things happened to open their eyes that there were special spirits waiting to come to our family. Maybe if you're frustrated with not finding the answer fasting is the key! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteTruly a good question, Kim, and something only the Lord will be able to answer for you and your husband. The scriptures do tell us to study it out and then, basically, to make a decision and take it to the Lord. When i am confused about whether I am hearing/feeling the spirit or listening to my own/natural feelings, I remember that the Lord does most often require us to do the footwork. Asking Him in this way makes it easier to feel a clear "yes" or "no".
ReplyDeleteLOVE Missy's thoughts! I, too, feel 'done', and so I live each day enjoying the blessings I have instead of lamenting other stuff. If I felt a prompting to have another child I would certainly heed it and do what you're doing. I sincerely hope you find peace in the matter.
{{hugs}}
It is a hard decision. Pray and listen to the Spirit. I don't have any great advice.. we are done. lol.. and it was a choice my body made first. Good luck.
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