MY FAMILY'S CIRCUS- The balancing act

"Having the latest baby everything..."

This topic will be particularly relevant to today's young mothers. There is such a variety of baby products available in stores that it can be overwhelming. Add to that the pressure you often feel from your peers to have the latest and greatest of baby equipment. Add to that still the bombardment of products that promise to make your baby smarter, faster. When you want to be hip AND have those things that make mommying a little easier, how do you keep from breaking the budget?

For those women who are past the child-raising stage, do you have difficulty with these pressures in wanting to provide the "goodies" for the grandchildren? Do you see them as a hindrance towards a child's natural ability to develop? What were some ways that you were able to achieve similar benefits without all the bells and whistles?

I have four children and amazing husband that works hard so I can stay home and raise our children. I have adopted a lifestyle that allows me to survive and have extras in a two-income world. This, for me, was a process. In high school I spent every penny I earned on clothes at the mall, eating out, and things like acrylic nails etc. Then, in college, reality hit me hard when I spent more than I had. I had to call my parents and have them bail me out. My mom was not happy that I asked her to pay for $200 in bank overdraft fees. I wasn't happy either. I was very embarrassed. From that moment on I wanted to manage my money better than I had been. I didn't get it, until after I married a great money manager. I didn't have anything to show for myself when I met my husband. Everything that I had spent my money on was gone, and I was in debt.
To make a long story short, I have learned to live on way less than what my husband makes. Garage sales and second hands stores are no longer a dirty word. So, when my first baby came along, that's what we did. I bought nearly everything we needed second hand. It was fun and I got hooked. There is so much out there up for grabs if you have a little patience and time. I've had several people tell me that there's not enough time to hunt for bargains and to them I say that my husband spends 48 hours away from home a week. He goes to work whether he wants to or not. I want that time out of his life to count for something. I want him to have something to show for it. Brand new baby gear will not be there at retirement when I want to go on trips to see my grand kids and travel the world with my husband. Brand new baby gear will not be needed when there is an emergency like Hurricane Katrina. I have come to realize that spending money on the necessities, buying extras at a fraction of the price, buying cars without a loan, living in an affordable home, and so much more gives me FREEDOM. The only debt I have is my home (I think its more of an investment because its worth way more than we payed for it.) I have an emergency fund that would pay for our living expenses for 6-12 months should my husband lose his job or become physically unable to work. I've also have nice things that other people get rid of because they want what's new or don't have room for all their stuff. Also, when you have stuff, you have to manage it, find a space for it, take care of it. Over the 9 years we've been married, my husband and I have decided that we want more time with our family and less time managing stuff. Having these things is far more important to me than having the latest and greatest. There is really too much stuff out there. I'm sure there are new products that get put on the shelf everyday. I get so overwhelmed when I go to Target, Ikea or look at a Pottery Barn magazines. There is so much that I would love to buy for myself and for my kids, but I have to step back and remember that having things doesn't make me a better parent and won't make my kids happier. They really just want time with me and my husband. They are perfectly happy with the nearly brand new Eddie Bauer car seat I bought second hand or the huge rubbermaid of Rescue Heroes I bought at a yard sale. Sometimes, even, at yard-sales I need to step back and reevaluate my thinking. I don't want my kids to link their self-worth with objects. I want them to learn the value of money, so, often, they pay for what they want themselves and they've learned some hard but inexpensive lessons.
I get a huge rush and thrill when I can sell something on ebay for way less than I payed for it a garage sale!!! I love decorating my home and making it look like pottery barn with a little bit of cash, some patience, and (my favorite thing) SPRAY PAINT, a marvelous invention.
Looking back and thinking now, I believe that having stuff gave me a false sense of security. I needed to learn that stripped of every worldly possession I am still a wonderful human being with character and love in my heart. I don't have to succumb to the "pressure" to have the latest and greatest in order to feel that I have value in this world. My dear sweet husband has endured numerous comments about why he continues to drive and old beat up van. It kills me because they don't see the wisdom in it and then I worry that they think he might not be a good money manager. I just want to shout from the rooftops that he is amazing for giving up a brand new Ford pickup that he could totally afford so we can have FREEDOM!! It reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw once. I saw it on a old Chevy Citation. It said something like "You've gotta have a lot of self-esteem to drive a car like this." I love it!!!! The world would be a much better place if more people thought this way.
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