2007!!! Here I come!!!

Man do I have a lot of catching up to do! So much has been going in this head of mine. Over the last month I have had a complete attitude change about my house thanks to this little pink book my friend let me borrow. What I life saver it has been for this perfectionist attitude I've struggled with for what seems like FOREVER. I have been working so hard my whole married life to keep a clean, organized, functional house and I've spent plenty of hours doing it. Sometimes I feel like weeks go by with #1 Nothing to show for all the hours I put into my housework and #2 Very little contact with outside world. I put off friendships, fun with my family, exercise, my hobbies, etc... so that I can get every little nook and cranny organized, catch up on laundry, sweep the mountain of dust bunnies under my bed, clean around the toilet, etc... etc... etc... Don't get me wrong, from all outside appearances my house looks great most of the time. BUT I SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON IT. I don't want to be remembered by my kids and those that are close to me that I kept a really clean house. I mean, that would be nice to have on the list of some of my accomplishments, but I don't want that to be the one thing that stands out to those that knew me. At my high school graduation I received the Principle's Leadership Award and my name was added to a long list of previous students that had done great things at my high school. I remember how it felt to be recognized in that way and since have always wanted to be admired and loved by many. When I close myself up in my house all day spinning my wheels, and yelling at my kids 'cause I just got done cleaning the bathroom and there's a mess again I don't think anyone should admire me. Sometimes I feel like my home is more like a boot camp. I don't feel like the mother my kids need when I am stressed over things that don't matter in the long wrong. Anyway what I'm saying is that this book has helped me see why I've been paralyzed by perfection and why it takes me so stinkin' long to get my house in order. I am hopeful that this year will be different for me. My thinking is so much more optimistic and I feel like step by step I can accomplish my goals. I get so paralyzed and give up when tasks are overwhelming because my expectations are too high and unrealistic. For instance, I used to get up in the morning and make huge list of things that needed done. Half way through the day with only one or two things done I'd get really tired and feel so down and disappointed with myself. Now, when I see or think about what needs done, I talk to myself (don't tell anybody, my hubby already thinks I'm a little weird) and say, "Self, you can not accomplish all this in day, do what you can, do your best, do a little a bit a time and soon it will be done. " I have also applied this to my body and getting it in shape. Everyday I can get closer to my goal. I can't expect the perfect body in two weeks, but I'm hoping for three though. :)
But the most important thing for me this year is to get closer to my Savior. I want Him to be front and center in my life. Everything that is good will work its way into place if I put him first. I've been fighting against this for so long because of a lack in faith and plain ol' stubbornness. Not anymore. This girl is done trying to get ahead to only fall back because I haven't included Him. TA TA till I blog again.