Beacon Rock

Jeff and I got away without the kids for a weekend and went to the Washington Coast. On the way we drove along the beautiful Columbia River and enjoyed a relaxing, scenic view while we drove to our destination. Usually we take the Oregon side to the coast because its quicker but this time we thought we could see some different sites and we really weren't in a hurry. About half way there I told him about Beacon Rock.
Years ago, when I was about 13, I went to the Oregon Coast with my 8th grade class. We pulled up to Beacon Rock and were told that we could hike to the top. I didn't want any part of it. I sat in the bus and watched while nearly everyone took off to conquer 51 switch backs. There was probably only about 4 of us that stayed behind.
Jeff was floored when I told him that I didn't hike it and wanted to know why in the world I would just sit on the bus. Thinking back, I told him what I know now about myself but didn't know then. I am afraid of failure. If I do something I want to do it well or not at all. I wanted to be up in front and have everyone impressed with how in shape I was. I didn't want to do it if I was gonna be in the back with all the stragglers. He told me that he probably wouldn't have liked me much back then. I told him that if he'd had been there and I'd actually hiked it he probably would have gone up and back down before I would've made it to the top. He wouldn't have noticed me anyway. I also think that I was lazy and really insecure.

I still do not like failure. I don't like to mess up. I'm a perfectionist, what can I say! But today I like to push myself and I realize that I don't want to look back and regret not doing things because I was too afraid to mess up. So... we got out of the car and did all 51 switch backs. We hiked it together. It was actually not that bad. Now I can say I did it. It was so acceleratingly and absolutely gorgeous. The weather was perfect and it was fun to be there with Jeff. He actually pulled me up some of it. I hope I can apply this experience in other areas of my life. There are still plenty
of things that I would like to do that I talk myself out of.