MY FAMILY'S CIRCUS- The balancing act

Creating a friendship.

2012-01-27T12:37:00.000-08:00


Whitney's duck. Picture taken by her big brother.

Yesterday was awesome.A friendship is stronger.I LOVED the deep conversation.I LOVED the sincere laughter.I LOVED an honest response.I LOVED the sense of belonging that comes with new understanding and commonality.Creating a friendship,like drawing on a page.Where the page was once blank,there is a new creation.A relationship,that enlightens that brings joy.I didn't want to say goodbye.She spoke to my heart.I understand her. Thank you my friend.
♥

Sisters

2012-01-26T09:58:00.000-08:00

I'm the big sister.But,sometimes I feel small.I'll give them a call,they'll help me feel tall.That is all. ♥

Growing a man

2012-01-25T08:49:00.000-08:00

This boy of mine.

He loves his mamma.

He asked me for a XBOX.

I said no.

Playstation?

NO.

Our neighbor has one.

I don't mind it a little here and there.

But,

NO.

You may not sit in your room

with your very own big screen TV,

with head phones on,

and play for hours and hours.

NO WAY.

I say,

I'm raising you into a man.

I'm raising a missionary.

You've got to know how to work.

How to talk.

How to get along with out being plugged in.

I was addicted to Super Mario Brothers.

We didn't have it at home,

thank goodness.

Just at our cousins.

He has a DS.

I don't really like it much either.

He only has 1 game right now.

He does pretty good.

In the winter I've got to remind him to put it away.

I'm so thankful for our ease of life.

We don't have to hunt for food,

or build or own home from the trees on our land.

But man,

I bet families back in those days knew how to really get things done.

Everyone must have had to pitch in.

I hated work when I was a kid,

but now I see what it did for me.

Ethan.

He's learning way before I did.

Its not easy for him.

See's how some live a different way than we do.

But,

he's not a brat about it.

He hugs me.

He says he understands.

I'm thankful for him.

He's a sweet boy.

♥

Growth

2012-01-24T13:38:00.000-08:00

I am not very patient,

especially while learning.

Growth,

Persistance,

Trial and error,

Mistakes,

Time.

All of it can be insanely frustrating.

However,

there's is so much to learn,

about ourselves,

about others.

There's character to build.

Its taken maturity and time to figure this out.

I know that growth is necessary.

I know talents and character won't land in my lap.

But,

sometimes I act like it should, even though I know better.

Joy in the journey.

Easy to say,

hard to do.

I got married about 13 years ago.

We were given a Nikon film SLR.

Jeff knew all about aperture, and shutter speed.

He knew all about film and lenses.

He tried to teach me.

Guess what?

I didn't wanna.

I was kind of a brat about it.

It was way too complicated,

over my head.

A few years ago

with an attitude change,

and some try

the lights finally came on.

There was still sooooooo much to learn.

Sometimes I felt like giving up.

I knew that I could learn though,

so many people were.

The internet is such an amazing tool.

A week ago

I took pictures of my beautiful niece.

She's expecting #1 baby girl any day.

Speaking of growth.

I've watched her grow from a toddler to

a beautiful woman.

She and I have a history.

I was part of her growth,

and my heart is full to watch her now.

What a blessing she's been to me.

I'm so proud of her.

I'm so happy she is happy.

I was in tears while I edited these photos.

Technically,

I felt very confident,

and was super excited how they all turned out.

Photography is such an amazing gift.

And then there's the bond we have with each other,

this allowed me to relax and apply all the growth

from prior experience.

I have lots more to learn,

but I'm really excited about it.

♥

How to make a header in blogger with some help from Clover Lane.

2012-01-24T09:33:00.000-08:00

I made a new header for my blog the other day.

It's not too difficult.

Picasa is the trick.

Make all your pics the same size too.

Mine are all squares.

Oh and use the face recognition tool in Picasa.

I found my favorite pics of everyone first.

I found a tutorial at Clover Lane.

If you have any questions, ask.

♥

Happy couples kiss?

2012-01-20T23:43:00.000-08:00

He was in the garage.I was in the house.It was late,but he wanted to finish,and I did too.He had the radio to keep him company.John Tesh.Have you heard Intelligence for your Life?Jeff did,he kissed me this morning and shared his new intelligence. From John Tesh radio: If you’ve resolved to improve your marriage – start here: kiss your spouse. According to marriage therapist Dr. Laura Berman, when couples come into her office and say their relationship is tanking, the first thing she asks them is, “When was the last time you really kissed?” Most people will say, “We don’t.” Dr. Berman’s prescription for a better marriage – kiss your spouse every day and hold that kiss for at least 15 seconds. Know this – nine out of 10 people in happy marriages kiss their partner goodbye before work, and kiss them good night before bed.
I asked if he wanted me to count or if he was keeping track.(Its fun to smile while kissing by the way.)We decided we wouldn't have to count.Later I figured Yankee Doodle took about 15 seconds.I'll sing it in my head if kissing ever becomes a chore.Ha.
♥

Snow Day

2012-01-19T22:02:00.000-08:00

Jeff and the kids stayed home from their duties today.It's pretty nasty outside.Frozen rain on top of snow. I was thinking,a blanket of snow brings commonality to the world.Most weather does.I had to go out yesterday.I was trying to get around along with everyone around me. Living still happens even when itscold,wet,icy,dangerous.I had to get help with my cart of groceries.Couldn't get them out to the van without a good Samaritan.She pulled and I pushed.I thanked her over and over again.Having something in common makes people more loving.I wish I could cover the world in my own "blanket of snow". So many commonalities are gone these days.Manners,Good language,Chastity.Living on one income.The one income thing has been on my mind.Stuff would be cheaper,if we all wanted less. Just my thoughts.So happy to be warm.So happy to be home.

♥

The right thing to do.

2012-01-18T20:33:00.000-08:00

I skipped out on Zumba today.I made a difficult decision last week.The music is so easy to dance to.I dance like I'm all alone.It's been my favorite exercise for a couple of years.But,sometimes the music is too sexual.
I will walk out when the song is bad.But last week I stayed for one song.It wasn't too bad.The moves though.All that was missing were poles.Its tempting to move like that.I felt uncomfortable.I knew it was wrong.
I thought,If my bishop walked by?If Jeff were here?Can my mom see me right now?Would I ever let Whitney come with me?It's not righteous. I started to rationalize.It's my favorite cardio.This is why I joined the gym.I'll just make sure I leave when its bad.How will I get these 10 lbs off? I love the instructor, she knows me. I called my sister.I talked it out with her.She agreed.Slippery slope.I can't stand for truth, for rightwhile I'm dancing like that. I'm sad.I LOVE to dance. I told my kids what I did.I told them why I can't go anymore.They know how much I loved it.It's the kind of thing I've taught them,better step up and do it myself.Spin class with have to do for now.

♥

LICE!! How we finally conquered them at our house.

2012-01-17T11:19:00.000-08:00

There's a new naughty word at our house. Lice.

Gilles San Martin

Are you scratching your head yet?

I can't talk about it without getting all itchy. Whitney was the lucky recipient.We found it a few days after the letter from school came."Please be aware that there is lice at school......"I read it.I didn't worry one bit.I should have.In fact.If you have a little girland she has hair,adopt the paranoia that I will share now. 1stMake her invisible. Add some tea tree oil into a squirt bottle with water.Spray your daughter's hair.Put her hair up.Get it off her shoulders.When?Everyday.Lice like humans not trees.Tea tree oil is awesome.I found my bottle at Walgreens.Should've been doing this as soon as cold weather hit.Hats.Coats.Backpacks.I'll hung close together.Perfect for Lice.Request that her coat goes in a bag on the back of her chair. 2ndTeach your daughter how to avoid it.Drill it in her sweet head.Don't throw your coat on a heap with your friend's coats.Don't share your hat.Don't share your hair brush. 3rdDon't be ignorant.If your daughter gets lice.Put your hair up.Don't snuggle her close to your head. Christmas Eve, I found lice in my hair.Not fun. Unless, you'd like your husband to spend hours and hours combing through your thick hair. Google "lice".They don't jump.
4th Research.Read up on lice and understand them.Their life cycle,what will kill them.How to get rid of them.So much info online. The shampoo's and sprays are worthless.DO NOT use the spray on your furniture or mattresses.Its poison.I'd rather have lice than kill my family.I used Nix shampoo on Whitney's head.I picked 30 live Lice of her scalp after I used the shampoo.All over the internet it says the shampoo doesn't work.I agree.Olive oil.All over your head.Shower cap.Towel over shower cap.Sleep on it.14 hours I kept it on.Use regular shampoo,took about 4 rinses.Leave in some conditioner.Comb through hair with nit comb.over and over and overNo lice after that.
5thEmpty her room and the house.Soft toys.Extra blankets.Outside in garbage bags.
Cover your couch with a mattress bed-wetting cover sheet.She sleeps on the couch.Give her new bedding everyday.(Throw bedding in the dryer for 20 minutes w/ heat.)No dirty clothes on the floor. Take clothes out of her drawers. All clothes come from a quarantined spot.My garden tub was perfect.Every towel, every pillow,every soft thinghas to be clean before use.Couch pillows outside too.Cover your car's seats with garbage bags. Do all of this until you see no evidence for 2 weeks.

6th

Look for Lice often.

Even if you don't get a letter from school.If you do catch lice- Go through hair 3 times a day.Record your findings.How many lice, how many nits (eggs).Make sure you have somewhere to place them when you find them.a small garbage does the trick,or a bowl.Empty it outside in the big trash.Find a newly hatched lice (nymph).They're very small.

Actual size of the three lice forms compared to a penny. (CDC Photo)

Place it in a cereal bowl with tweezers.Pull a hair from your head.Run the strand of hair over the nymph.Be amazed and very scared.Like a magnet it clings.Be consistent.Be a bit paranoid.Work hard.Give up your all the things you did for fun.Oh, and if you think you've conquered them.think again,Give it a good 2 weeks.Before you think you're in the clear.

7thTry to stay calm.Ha. Good luck.I was plagued for a month.Getting lice flat out stinks. Going through thisI'd remember all the stories of other womens' trials.They were strong.They didn't cave to frustration.You know the stories.The ones that are told from the memory of a prophet, some noble gentleman,or a great women. "My mother was the epitome of patience and fortitude."
I cried like a baby one day.so frustrated !!!!!!!!!!!It was the first day back to school-after Christmas break.I had day of plans,the girls were happy to see friends again.I checked again,just to make sure.You guessed it!Lice.Thought we were done.Nope.Not out of the clear unless its been like 3 weeks.I haven't seen anything for 2.I'm still checking.These bitty things.These horrible pests. They broke me. At first I was confident and calm. But day after day it got to me. My daughters may never be prominentor great now. Are their stories really true?The children of those women must have selective memory. In the moment the thought was to handle it better butcrying along with them seemed like the perfect solutionalong with getting even more paranoid, more consistent,and CRAZY!Ya it hurts my pride now.But life goes on.I will say,during it all I tried to count my blessings.(In order of importance.)A little girl's prayer. Netflix Wallace and GrommetGoogle My patient husband Clothes Dryer Washing MachineFriends with experience Freezer Shower capsHead lampsLeather couch
I'm gonna go check my head.

I call plates and bowls!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-16T21:28:00.000-08:00

I call plates and bowls!!!!!!!!!!!

Love it when she says this.

I announce for them to clean two item types

out of the dishwasher.

Everyone is in a hurry to get first pick.

Whitney is often first.

Wish I would've thought of this long ago.

My dishwasher gets cleaned out FAST these days!

After dinner

sometimes I have to say.

"Um, this isn't Hotel Wiberg,

come back in here and help.

I used to let them leave me alone with a mess.

I didn't make it mandatory.

They used to whine

it was easier to let them go.

But now its tradition.

I make dinner.

You help set the table.

You clear the table.

You put away leftovers.

You sweep the floor.

or um you don't eat.

Besides its sooo rude.

We all live here together,

and to my delight

My kids get this.

Finally.

When I was a kid.

I didn't get it.

Maybe I didn't feel ownership.

I was a slave,

I thought.

Vowed my kids would understand

why and how to contribute.

Tonight,

Abby

went to her dad,

said," May I take your plate?"

Sweetest words from her lips all day.

A new season of motherhood has arrived.

My kids are getting it.

Sometimes I see-

selflessness,

obedience,

charity,

independence.

I'm relieved.

I have hope.

That maybe.

Just maybe.

Despite all my mistakes

and their mistakes too.

They'll grow up

contribute,

work hard,

and be happy adults.

And they'll teach their kids,

the things I taught them.

Pics taken a few years back.

At our first house.

When getting there help was more work for me.

♥

Friend Love.

2012-01-12T21:45:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged much lately,

but I want to.

I've made many friends here.

Marilyn.

Picture from her blog

Sweetheart.

She's the reason I fell

even more in love

with music.
She's my dear friend.

She's a keeper.

She just shared some thoughts here,

and I agree.

Blogging has evolved and I've

thought about where I stand.

I want to blog

to have a voice,

to relate to others in the world,

to share what I believe.

I have another friend.

Elizabeth.

One of my very favorite pictures from her blog.

Another sweetheart.

If you want down to earth,

Emotions,

A girl with heart.

Go here.

Elizabeth and I have to meet up soon.I LOVE her. She's been writing tons lately.So so happy about that. So here's to 2 beautiful woman.They inspire me, and put a bounce in my step.

♥

Fun in the Winter sun

2012-01-10T09:25:00.000-08:00

We went out in the warm winter sun.School started the next day.The kids LOVE to be outside.Devon got a camera for Christmas.Best purchase I've ever made for him.He loves it so much.The kids want a pet.Thinking of a Rat or a Guinea Pig.The lady at the pet store said, "A Ball Python is a good pet for kids."She has 50 animals living at her house!!We want something fuzzy and soft, that's not intended to be eaten. We had a bunny last year.Thumper.He died.Broke Whitney's heart. Never seen a girl so in love with animals. I lost a kitty when I was 8.Whiskers.Cried.All my kitties either got ran over or the dogs killed them.I grew up with animals.Horses,Dogs,Cows,Cats,Pigs,Chickens when I was young.We even had peacocks next door.There was always work to be done.Sometimes I think I'd like that for my kids.Workand Animals.If had a pasture I'd make sure there were underground sprinklers though.I hated changing sprinkler pipes.twice a day.All through the summer. ♥

Happy to be loved.

2011-12-30T09:39:00.000-08:00

Jeff has 10 days off!He has been fixing things and helping around the house. He got the kids up at 5:00,he took them exploring: to find owls, and bald eagles.
I love him! Our marriage isn't perfect.I'm late sometimes.He doesn't like that.We get irritated,stressed,overwhelmed.We don't deal with it the way we should. But,we work through it. We both want the same thing.We want to be friends.We want to be together for our kids.We want to retire together,go on missions.We want happiness, we want to be loved.Its awesome to be with someone,who wants what I want.
There's an article that is awesome.

HereI just read it.We have some things to work on.January is a perfect time to start.
♥

Merry Christmas!!

2011-12-26T13:28:00.000-08:00

I designed our Christmas card this year.I ordered 75.Not enough.I could easily send out 500. I made a list. Didn't check it twice, cause I forgot some dear ones.So many people that I care about that I didn't send one to.So here it is. Our family loves you.
My beautiful friend Jodee took our pictures.I'm in love with them.

♥

Crazy about him.

2011-12-01T12:17:00.001-08:00

November 21, 2011 

HappyAnniversary!!!  So how is my favorite girl doing this morning?  Imiss you.  I am exited to see you tonight.  

November 30, 2011 

Hi Kimi,

I love you.  I cant wait to see you. Too bad I have mutual tonight.  I have had the best time with you the lastfew months and can't wait for the next few.  

13 years so far. The time has flown.We celebrated with a two day break.A little road trip.We snapped pics with two cameras.It was fun.

♥

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T10:44:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween!!Hoping that you and I create happy memories for our families.Tradition and love-the best thing for bringing up happy kids.

Love my husband's get up. His gut looks real!

Cutie the Clown

Hokey Pokey

I love family fun.I ♥ to photograph it.Wish I was in these photos.Oh well, next time. ♥

therapy

2011-10-17T16:21:00.000-07:00

I spent money on deck chairs.

Hardly ever use them.

Today I did.

I sat out in the sun.

I wrote in my journal.

I put my thoughts down.

Looked at old notes,

letters.

I found that song that made me cry at church.

Prayer is the soul’s sincere desire,
Uttered or unexpressed,
The motion of a hidden fire
That trembles in the breast.

Prayer is the burden of a sigh,
The falling of a tear,
The upward glancing of an eye
When none but God is near.

 Prayer is the simplest form of speech
That infant lips can try;
Prayer, the sublimest strains that reach
The Majesty on high.

My soul's desires are many.

I look with upward glance.

Not always do I kneel.

That makes me sad.

A formal prayer gets put aside.

I don't make the time.

But I rejoiced as I sang this song.

My words are unexpressed.

I live and breath in this world,

but feel as though I'm lost.

Far from home.

But closer still,

as my thoughts are of my home.

I need some help.

Answers.

A coach.

Who will be my guide.

If I ask, will He really help?

Will His thoughts fill up my mind?

I write it all.

The words come fast.

I laid down and took a nap,

the sun my blanket.

My therapy is done.

on the way home

2011-10-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

I was in a rush to get home.

Get dinner on the table.

Finish homework.

I saw the light in the trees.

I pulled over, grabbed my camera.

"Abby! skip down the sidewalk."

♥

Email love.

2011-10-07T11:05:00.000-07:00

Emails from my husband:
6-30-11

I love youso much, cant wait for this weekend.

8-3-11

Justthinking about you.  Cant wait to see you.  I can't wait till I get totalk to you on our drive this weekend. I miss youso bad right now.

8-15-11

I feel close to you even though I am not.

9-19-11

I am soexited to be in love with you!

Jeff works an hour away and we can't talk much on the phone while he's at work.

Its sad.

But.

Email love is my one of my favorite things.
It's a sweet reminder that I'm not alone in this world.
When he declares love I feel 
strong,
beautiful,
brave,
happy. 
♥       

Silly and Serious

2011-10-06T09:24:00.000-07:00


Silliness

 Seriousness

When a child needs correction, you might ask yourself, “What can I say or do that would persuade him or her to choose a better way?” When giving necessary correction, do it quietly, privately, lovingly, and not publicly. If a rebuke is required, show an increase of love promptly so that seeds of resentment may not remain. To be persuasive, your love must be sincere and your teachings based on divine doctrine and correct principles.

Do not try to control your children. Instead, listen to them, help them to learn the gospel, inspire them, and lead them toward eternal life. You are God’s agents in the care of children He has entrusted to you. Let His divine influence remain in your hearts as you teach and persuade.

Elder Russell M. Nelson, "Salvation and Exaltion," Ensign May 2008

♥

2011-10-05T17:05:00.000-07:00

I get up everyday to a job that I'll never be able to quit.

I look at my children and can't believe they are thriving despite my shortcomings.

Today as I woke them, fed them, and fixed their hair I thought about all the physical needs that I attend to for their sake.

Its important that my little girl looks like she belongs to somebody so I do her hair, usually while she protests.

Its important for them to be clean and dressed in a clothes without holes and stains.

All through the day we tend to physical needs and some days are are full of them!!

This leads me into what I've been thinking about it.

I give great attention to all things physical, in fact some days I think I give too much attention to them. I feel like there's a HUGE imbalance. Too much physical, and not enough spiritual.

My kids run out to catch the bus. They're all ready-lunches made, backpacks with permission slips signed, homework usually done, hair done, faces clean.

Then they come home- soccer practice, homework, chores.

The thing is, its how our world works. The inner man is not seen. We see only the clothes, the cars, the homes. We judge a man, a child, by his stuff. Its shallow, and I don't like it, but I feed into it.

I feed into it because, honestly, it feeds my pride. If my child is dressed to the nines, it makes me look like I have my act together.

Mom's need a payoff.

So we spend a bunch of time tending to shallow stuff.

This morning my kids ran out to catch the bus, anyone that saw them would think they looked ready for school.

Mostly, they were.

But I knew different.

I hadn't prayed with them.

I wish that it was easier to spend more time on the things that really mean something.

I think I'm beginning to understand other forms of religion.
Some put aside all worldliness.

Its no small feat to put off pride and be humble.

To find fulfillment in things that will not bring the attention of men is difficult for me.

As you look at the remainder of the pictures on this post, you will my sweet girl. She is spunky and keeps me on my toes.
Her character and personality are what I love most about her.

I could take pictures of her all day long and post them but you can't see her, not really.

I hope my kids are learning the worth of a soul.

I hope they feel confident without wearing all the right things.

Cause I'm still working on it.

♥

Find teaching moments

2011-10-03T18:18:00.000-07:00

5 more days until our date.She wants to go to Granny's.Then we'll take her to the temple.We'll sit and look at Moroni.He'll be bright against the black sky.She'll learn about the "birds and the bees"I'm getting a bit nervous, and anxious.I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up.Mom's are the best teachers.Turn off the radio and talk,let her jabber about her day,tuck her in and teach her about life.Squeeze the teaching moments in wherever, and whenever.
♥

my BFF

2011-09-28T06:29:00.000-07:00

Laura has been my buddy for 11 years.She confides in me.She builds me up.She is hilarious. Sweet.Beautiful.Down to earth.Humble-hearted.Loyal.Motivated.
....In August we did a triathlon.I watched my friend step up and sign in at 300 lbs.Even when she was surrounded by lean athletes, with fancy bikes, and tri-suits.I was scared to swim.I hadn't prepared all that well.She was a champ.She helped me get through the swim.(Half way through I panicked. I had to ask for help) I helped her with the bike. We cried and talked our way through the race. We finished together. Next August,we're gonna do the race again.She might beat me.She's a real go getter.She's already lost 40.So by then she'll be a lean machine.She's my inspiration.Everyone needs a friend like my Laura.

♥

Birthdays!

2011-09-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

Birthday #1

My sweet Whitney turned 8.

We had her very first friend party.

We planned the details together.

A Butterfly Birthday Bash.

Birthday #2

Kody Carver Cain

7 lbs. 8 oz.
Born to a laboring pro.
Textbook delivery.
My little sister is amazing.
Blessed to be there.
To witness a miracle.

♥

2011-09-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

My little brother found love.

I got to capture it.

Married: September 24, 2011

♥

His first kiss

2011-09-22T10:53:00.000-07:00

Riverfront Park

Farris Wheel ride with my son.

"Do you know what people do on Farris Wheel rides?" "NO". "They kiss."
He smirked.
"You should give me a kiss, it's tradition."
He puckered up,got me on the cheek.
I took a picture.

......
Last night I tucked him in.We talked about kissing.He's nearly 10.Tomorrow he'll be nearly 16.I've taught him that he'll want to kiss a girl.I've taught him about sex.Someday,it will fill his thoughts.How can it not.To think otherwise is naive.Posters at the mall,movies,magazines in the grocery line,a picture at some boys' house.An image online.Peers who share too much. I reminded him the feelings,they are wonderful.God given.With them he can have a family.With them he will have the love of his life.But,at 11,12,13,14,15,16,17, 18......if he kisses a girl,and its not the kind of kiss he'd give his mama,it will be difficult to keep those feelings under control.Especially if she kisses his ear,or his neck.Its too sensitive there.He looks a bit embarrassed.I feel comfortable.He needs to be taught.I was 15 once.I sat in car and gave a kiss goodnight.You might think, 10????!!!I started when he was 8.His sex eduction will be taught in the loving arms of his mother.Teach him before he's in the middle of it.Teach him its normal.Teach him how to control this power.Teach him a peck on the cheek is tender.Teach him to respect.Teach him lust vs. love.Teach him to understand what happiness will be his if he waits for the Girl.The girl he will marry and love forever.Teach him the girls he dates should have his standards. Teach him he may be the only boy in control.Teach him to be strong no matter what anyone says or does.Teach him to respect a girl's family. Teach him to shake a father's hand with a firm hand and look him in the eye.Teach.Teach.Teach.Care.Think.Remember.My privilege.My responsibility.
His little sister just turned 8.Next month she will sit and learn from her parents.I will sit her on my lap.I will hold her in my arms.I will pray with her.I will teach her about love.I will teach her about wonderful desires. Desires given by God,For love For family.Its his plan.It works when we obey,when we control.Joy is the result.Joy that will radiate love and self-respect.
♥

My time with them is done, but my heart is always there's

2011-09-20T08:53:00.000-07:00

We moved to our new home in March 2009.We started attending our new ward right away.I wondered where I would be called to serve.The call came.Young Women's Mia Maid Advisor.I was called the same day our names were read into the ward. 2 years of feeling young.2 years of sharing my heart.2 years of love.2 years to teach. 2 years filled with laughs, tears, and fun.

A new call just came.

Activity Days with my 8 year old daughter and 9 other girls.

A release from YW Advisor,from mentor,from teacher.I miss them terribly already.They'll be my girls forever.I love love love my girls.♥

Enjoy them while they're little.

2011-09-19T09:50:00.000-07:00

Kindergarten-September 2011 My youngest child loading the bus.

Over and over I've heard."Enjoy them when they're little."Um, yeah, rrrrrrrrright. I used to think.What were these moms who either had no kids at home or older kids forgetting? When my kids were little,everything I did took so long to do,GROCERIESCLEANING THE HOUSEGETTING READY TO GO ANYWHERE Hassels and frustrationSleepless nightsDiapers TandrumsIt all happened and I remember it was stressful,I can't however remember the details.The days run into years.The years when they were young and home.I was their influence.I don't remember the details, why?I didn't "Enjoy them while they were little"
When a mother tells you to "enjoy them when they're little"Ask, why?Me? I'd tell you this:

Enjoy them when they're choices don't hurt your heart.Enjoy them before their agency becomes almost completely out of your control.Enjoy them when they want to tell you everything.Enjoy them before they have homework.Enjoy their small voices. Enjoy their innocence.Enjoy them before they want to be with friends more than they want to be with you.Enjoy the giggles.Enjoy the silly things that they say, because you'll forget.Enjoy the little messes.Enjoy less worry.Enjoy them while they think you're perfect. I was a frenzied mess last week. I felt inept.I'm recouping today. Looking inward.Praying and pondering on how to change.I have to be strong.I have to remember I'm never alone. I have to realize its hard work.I have to expect that I can only do my best.Don't compare.

Progress- not perfection.

I'm growing too.

I'm learning too.

This life as mother changes everyday.

New challenges.

New moments to enjoy.

New moments that humble me and bring me to my knees.

I crave wisdom from mothers who told me,

"Enjoy them".
I'm grieving for my own mother's wisdom.

My heart is engulfed in sorrow.

I miss her terribly.

She would have the words.

She was calm in the storm of motherhood.

She would ease my troubled heart.

She would rub my head on her lap,

I'd really cry.

I'd tell her my wows.

She would say, "You're too hard on yourself."

She's in Heaven.

but maybe if I could be still,

I'd hear her.

"Kimi,

I love you.

You are my beautiful red headed girl.

I'm proud of you.

I see all your good.

Love it all.

Every moment.

You have a great work.

Soon you'll grieve for moments gone.

They grow up fast.

♥

Ways to Serve Your Husband: Little Things to Make a Happy Marriage

2011-04-06T09:41:00.000-07:00

"Serving a husband is a duty to be cherished. By diligently praying for him, performing thoughtful acts of kindness for him, and showing a deep seated respect for him, a marriage will pulsate with life."

Read more at Suite101: Ways to Serve Your Husband: Little Things to Make a Happy Marriage http://www.suite101.com/content/ways-to-serve-your-husband-a92063#ixzz1IlEzZY00

My thoughts this morning?
They're of Jeff.
He's an hour away.
Sitting at a desk.
He doesn't love what he does.
But he loves us, so he does what he doesn't love.
I'm thinking.
How I could serve him more?
What is he worried about?
Does he want to confide in me?
Is he happy?
He needs my praise, my admiration.
I become complaisant here and there.
I take him for granted.
He wakes up.
He comes home.
I kiss him.
I hurry.
I jabber about whatever.
Dinner.
Tuck in the kids.
More jabber.
Sleep.
We do it all again.

I love him.
Does he know?
Those words roll of my tongue easily now.
At first those words were more timid.
Now- so easy to say.
Now -not as easy to do.
Selfish gets in the way.
My wants,
my thoughts.
My faults,
my fears.
I will pray for him.
I will do for him.
I will smile for him.

I love him.

Whatcha been up to?

2011-03-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

Whatcha been up to?When someone asks me this question I get stumped.My first thought is laundry.Laundry is what I do everyday. I guess I think I have to report something biglikewriting a book,or running for mayor.Not that I'd like to do either. The book would be fine.But no thanks on Mayor.My days are so full.I could ramble it all off.I'm up to a lot.Loads and loads of laundry means I have what I've always wanted.So I guess,I can say,"I'm living happily ever after".Even though I'd sound like a nut.
♥

Teaching how to teach Sex

2011-03-28T09:46:00.000-07:00

Next Tuesday I'm teaching a class to women.It will be a 30 minute class on how to teach kids about sex.I'm excited and nervous.I'm not sure who my audience will be.I do know that this subject is so important.I hope it goes well.

♥

I will...

2011-03-24T20:57:00.000-07:00

I will

 have a six pack.

I'm not sure when, 

but I'm on my way.

I've never had one.
I've never challenged my diet or my body.
After reading this info I KNOW I CAN do this.

So, someday I'll have a picture to share.

Almost there.

2011-03-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

Uni-cycling.

It's a family sport.

Jeff has bought one for each of us.

Now a few of us have to master a few solo revolutions.

I'm almost there.

Can you buy bubble wrap in yards?

♥

I LOVE

2011-03-22T21:14:00.000-07:00

Racquetball.I learned how to play a few months ago. I want to beat Jeff so bad. He is good.Even when he plays left handed.Once he pulled a Princess Bride on me.He basically just started too,but he's a stinkin' natural at everything he does.Makes me so mad.I'm so impatient when it comes to learning something new.I was throwing a fit at the gym the other day.Someone was watching.He poked his head in to give me some tips.He said, You guys remind me of me and my ex-wife.Uh, great. I just need to go and have fun.Not be so worried about winning. Just have fun.

♥

2011-03-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

Next fall.

When my baby goes to school.

Somewhere on a wall in my home.

I'm gonna do this.

jonesdesigncompany.com

♥

When kids get older

2011-03-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

When my kids were little people would say,
"Enjoy them when they're little, they grow up fast."
I didn't understand their advice.
How could I enjoy diapers, sleepless nights, cheerios everywhere?
Now I get it.
When they're little you can keep them safe in your own bubble.

When they're young-
there are no bully's on a playground.
No homework to get done.
No hormones to get in the way of rational thinking.
No drama.

My little boy was happy and a easy baby.
He's in 5th grade now.
Smart,
wants to be good,
Just made German Pancakes without any help.
He's generally a pretty easy boy at home.

He struggles at school.
With fitting in.
He has some immature quirks,
and he was diagnosed with ADD.
It's like he doesn't know how to act.
I'm trying to help him.
and school really isn't the only place that's hard for him.
with cousins,
with scouts,
generally he is the odd man out.
It makes me sick to my stomach to watch.

He's often sad and anxious.
I'm taking him to a counselor.
The other day he told her something that made me just sick.

I sent a letter to the school to bring attention to what he had described to his counselor.

I just want him to be happy.

Odd man out or not.

Email I sent to my son's teacher,
I called the principal yesterday and left a message but didn’t hear back. I wanted someone to be aware of some things that my son mentioned to me. He said that while picking teams at recess for kickball he’s always last to be picked for a team. Which is the way it goes, I understand why that’s happening. I can live with that. What made me cringe is what he told me next. Boys on each team complain and swear about D having to be on their team. He told me that there has been shoving (hard enough that he has to brace himself so that he won’t fall). I don’t know last names but he said ______ ,__________,______ have shoved him and told him that they didn’t want him on their team. ( He did say, however, that _____ thinks D is a good pitcher, and tells everyone to let him pitch.) _______. throws the ball at D (just to throw it at him, not when he’s trying to get him out). ______and _______ verbally bash my son with horrible swearing like the F word and other choice words when he messes up. I’m not positive if my son's been innocent during these confrontations. We haven’t discussed that. I will talk with him more about his behavior and see if he’s added to the contention in any way. I know kids do things in groups that they may not do on their own. I’m not trying to make a huge fuss over this, I just wanted you to know some names and report what I’ve been told. It does hurt so much to hear about this kind of thing. I asked him why he has to play if this is going on all the time. He said “It’s really fun mom and I just want to play.” Like I said, I get why this happening, but even though he may act in ways that make him a target, he doesn’t feel safe.

Talk to you soon.

Thanks,

Luckily things are looking up since I sent this email.

the principal has gotten involved.

Boys who are bullying are being asked to be positive leaders.

I now this is all normal.

Its just hard.

I want so much for my kids to be liked.

To have confidence.

I'm trying so hard to help him.

♥

Feeling good

2011-03-17T10:34:00.001-07:00

Clothes get me super motivated to exercise.

I have a scale but it doesn't measure muscle gain.

I have a gray shirt I love.

But if I put on 5 or 10 lbs.

I don't love it anymore.

Goal clothes for spring and summer.

In my college years I learned to love exercise.

Before then I'd always give in when it hurt.

Last August I was feeling very trim and

healthy.

Then fall and winter came.

I ate too much.

I didn't make time.

My jeans got too tight.

I couldn't wear my saucy white shirt.

In two weeks time I'm starting to turn it around.

I get super excited to feel change to see change.

Healthy living takes day to day effort.

Here's a rundown of what I'm doing.

Whenever I go anywhere I jog from my car to and from the place I'm going.
clean and move fast at home. (Like bounding up the stairs.)
never drink pop, or juice, and very little milk.
drink tons of water.
Hummus for a spread instead of mayo.
eat carrots like a rabbit.
stock my fridge with seasonal fruits and veggies.
So happy these are in season!
Eat 5-6 times a day. Healthy stuff.
Never skip meals and always stay satisfied.
Eat carbs if they are high in fiber low in sugar and only after I work out.
Eat lean protein the size of my palm
Play racquetball with my hubby for 2 hours
Spin class 2 times a week
Zumba once a week Image via Wikipedia
Interval training with Jillian Michaels 30 day shred.
Trying some Tabatas the next few weeks.
Never buy bigger sizes - unless I'm expecting. I thrift shop so sometimes I buy smaller if I like it and know I can get into it with some work.
Never get sucked into quick fixes. More than likely it will fry my metabolism.
Foot races with my kids.
Bike rides.

Being fit is important to me for lots of reasons.

I love feeling tight.

I like feeling good in my clothes.

I love keeping up with my family and my husband.

Admittedly I'm a a little vain,

I think I look funny with a chubby face.

Mostly its just really nice to be fit and I want to stay this way until I'm an old lady.

In case you miss me.

2011-03-16T08:46:00.000-07:00

I'm busy busy.With school projects,managing PMS,Exercising,and trying to help my little boy be happy.(more on that later)P.S. Kids can be so mean. I CAN'T wait for summer break. ♥

Love her!

2011-03-09T08:02:00.000-08:00

September 9. 2010Birthday surprise at school.7 years old.This girl makes me proud.She and I are kindred spirits.She is very sensitive.I see myself in her everyday.♥

Where would my kids go?

2011-03-08T13:04:00.000-08:00

July 2010 Scorpion Hunting with a black light.

I watched Raising Helen today while I worked on the elliptical.I got a spin class in too.But, I washed the same load of clothes 4 times.I started the load on Saturday.Ever do that?Anyway, Raising Helen working out and totally bawling.Watching that show gets me a little nervous.I've never prepared any papers in case Jeff and I die.I need to.I've wanted to, over and over I'm just not sure where to start.

♥

"this is how we get ready for Sunnnndayyy"

2011-03-07T15:19:00.000-08:00

♥

Mom joy

2011-03-05T08:55:00.000-08:00

Mac fun at Uncle Jevonn's March 2010 Jeff doesn't work on Fridays.Usually then, Thursday nights are late nights for us.So Friday mornings are a nice break from our 4:45 am routine.The kids still have school though.Yesterday I rolled out of bed at 7:45.The bus comes at 8:10.To my complete joy!!I found my kids fixing their own fried eggs,dressed from head to toe,backpacks and coats ready,vitamins and fish oil taken,and getting along all at the same time.Was I in the Twilight Zone!!??I praised their responsibility and completely gushed over them.Sometimes I feel like a big mom loser.I do things that I want to erase from everyone's mind.Yesterday I felt marvelous!!! In fact right now my girls are in the kitchen cleaning!!!!I didn't ask.I just heard Whit say,"Saturdays we should clean the fridge"My heart just went pitter patter. LOVE IT!!!ps We surprised the kids yesterday with a Rango matinee.It was okay.I won't say it was good. It was littered with the words hell and damn,I was VERY disappointed.

♥

My dad

2011-03-02T09:10:00.000-08:00

I hardly ever talk to him.

He came over yesterday.

We talked for a long time.

He's upset about a lot of things.

He talked to me about it.

He cried.

I was honest.

He owned his feelings.

Buried thoughts were shared.

Relationships are tricky.

Assumptions, hurts, judgments.

The older I get the more I get it.

I get why holding a grudge hurts both parties.

My dad has made many mistakes.

He named a few yesterday.

I've made my share.

I could name at least 10 I made yesterday.

He is who is.

Some time ago,

I said hurtful things to him thinking he would change.

He really just needed more love.

He's working through this life just like me.

He stood here like a 10 year old boy yesterday.

Sad.

Lonely.

He broke down.

He misses my mom.

Its hard for him to swallow his pride.

But I think he's trying.

June 2010 Stephanie's wedding reception Daddy daughter dance

♥

Summer plans winter temps

2011-02-24T09:41:00.000-08:00

Jeff's birthday is the 28th.

Saturday is celebration day.

Actually the whole weekend we'll celebrate.

The plan was: have the kids farmed out,walk in with all my biking gear on, and declare my devotion to be his biking buddy for the day.

Right now there is a light sprinkle of snow on the ground.

The temp is Loooooow.

The plan now: Racquetball, car shopping,

lunch out, more shopping, dinner, maybe more racquetball.

(Pictures taken on one of our dates in January)

Summer is calling my name.

These pictures are perfect reminders.

(pics taken August 2010 at "Movies on the River".

♥

Framed

2011-02-22T17:36:00.000-08:00

I know I'm just another of the mom photographers out there. It's kind of a trend. Like Blogging, and running.I don't like to run.
Photographers that learned with film probably roll their eyes at us mom's with our digital SLR's. My husband has been into photography since he was in highschool.He shot 7 weddings with a Nikon Film SLR.In our early years of marriage we had a dark room.I wanted to learn how to shoot an SLR and he tried to teach me. I didn't get it until we got our Canon 50D.I want a film camera again. A Pentax K1000.Anyway.I'm not a pro.Someday I'd would like to get paid for my work.But for now I'll just practice on my family.In fact. Jeff and I are going to team up and shoot my niece's wedding.I'm really excited.

I've been watching this new show called FRAMED.Its on You Tube.The intro to this segment explains why I'm waiting.Becky Earl and Yan are amazing.
♥

Pinterest has peeked my interest!!

2011-02-21T09:06:00.000-08:00

Jeff played Mario Cart with our boys for several hours on Friday night.

This NEVER happens.

I enjoyed some quiet time discovering Pinterst.

I. am. in. love.

I heard this would happen.

So I will warn you too.

Its addictive, but so convenient.

I'm a magazine page ripper, save it in inspiration binder- girl.

With pinterest you can pin all the things you love and organize it on virtual boards.

so cool.

cheaper.

time saver.

Grey is amazing.

I want to wear it,

decorate with it,

drive a grey car.

Is grey spelled with an e or an a?

the kids are home today.

I'm so glad.

I can't wait for summer.

I'm so sick of homework.

TODAY

Zumba at 10:30 with Angie.

Make something with the girls.

Need to buy milk, produce, and flour.
Start big homework project with the boys.

Laugh,

do something silly.

♥

beautiful blue eyes

2011-02-17T17:19:00.000-08:00

I have a friend.

She is blind.

She has four beautiful children.

She asked me to take pictures of her baby.

She just turned 1.

It was good practice for me.

We hung out in the kitchen and I snapped away.

How would it be not see the faces of my children.

My friend is brave.

She is deep.

I love her.

♥

a very random Friday, I love YOU because

2011-02-11T16:37:00.000-08:00

I love Fridays

because Jeff is home,
(we play racquetbal,
we do lunch,)

things slow down.

I've had a very busy week.
My house looks like it threw up.
Instead of cleaning I want to take a nap.

I love my camera.

My kids ask, "what is your favorite toy."?

My camera!!!
I would like to be really really good.
I would love to be well known.
I would love to have people pay good money if I was really good.
One slight problem.
I want to be really really good at motherhood.
I have to be honest with myself.
I can't have a full blown business right now.
As much as I crave admiration.
My family needs more attention than I ever thought they'd need.
Hobbies, time alone are important,
in fact I'm going to a much needed craft night tonight.
I just know me.
I feel so many things pulling me away from my family.
Anyway,
I'm going on and on.

Wanna know how I did these?

I went to Value Village (my favorite store)

and bought a white sheet for 2.99

I clipped the sheet on my garage door.

Lowered the door 1/3 of the way down.

Then I stuck a few paper hearts on with tape.

I used my 50mm 1.4 lens.

Set it at a 3.0 aperture in manual, and set my shutter accordingly.

Focused on my girls' hands.

(I wanted their faces to be blurred but there hands in focus.)

And shot away.

It took 15 minutes total.

I touched the pics up in CS2.

and added text in Picasa.

Cut a slit on top of the hand and a slit under.

Slide a sucker in.

And your done.

So easy, and so cute.

♥